It’s Official. I’m F’in Old.

My nephew’s 8th grade graduation was last night. He went to a Catholic school, so it was in a Catholic church. And mass happened first… which no one warned us about. Though Shawna always enjoys the cardio workout – and comic relief – of a Catholic service. Up, down, up, down… chant, chant, chant. Anyway, thanks to heavy priestly robes and the fact that it was 90 degrees in the church, at least it was kept brief.

So, Cheddar starts high school in the fall and that makes me feel kinda old. Which is weird, because my youngest brother also starts high school in the fall, which makes me feel young. When averaged together, of course, I feel my age… except for my back, which feels 115.

While we were at the little after-graduation reception thing, my Aunt Mary, who was hot-roddin’ it around on her walker (no lie – she has to have one now, because she’s just that old, but when I looked up after the graduation, she was practically zooming down the aisle with it), was standing near me and I was referring to her as the Great Aunt to Cheddar’s girlfriend, which is true in numerous senses of the word. A point with which Aunt Mary apparently agreed, because she responded “Greatest” with a little fist pump that Shawna enjoyed. And I said, “OK, you’re right. You’re the greatest.” And she said, “What do you want me to send you?” And I said, “Nothing. Why?” And she replied, “Well, if I’m the greatest, I’ve got to send you something.” So I told her that she didn’t need to send me anything, that’s how great she was. Then, I told her that she radiated greatness and that there were actually no lights on in the room and she was just lighting up the place with her radiance. To which she replied –

“When I walked into the church, I noticed that it lit up. It about knocked me down.”

90 years old as of May 19th. Sometimes she gets confused now. Sometimes she’s as sharp as one of those knives that cut through pipes that they hawk on the home shopping channel.