Let Us Weep for Humanity

Here’s what I’m thinking. Waterboarding is very bad. Simulating drowning IS torture, no matter what our backward government has to say about it. So, then how are we supposed to get the terrorists to talk? I’ll tell you how. Implement the Dolphin Plank Pose. Here’s how it works. A small wooden board covers the ground….

Facebook Status Update Provides Alibi I’m not saying that anyone here is lying. But calling this a “rock-solid” alibi is hardly accurate. I guess what I’m saying is, if any of you are planning on committing a crime anytime soon, just shoot me the date and time of your impending law-breakin’ and your Facebook password…

There was a man who worked at Central Market in South Lake, Texas. His job was a little awkward. He wasn’t a cashier or a bagger or a stocker. He was an attendant. Every time I saw him, he was positioned where the shelves of chips met the end of the chocolate aisle, midway between…

Without the sexy pants. Other things I’ve learned this week: Minivans are the new station wagons. Super Bowl XLIV topped the Mash series finale as the most watched television broadcast of all time… supposedly. It doesn’t matter who beats you to the fitness room. They will always be watching a talk show. You should never…