Inamorata (36/36) – WMC fic
PAIRING: Lindsay/Cindy
DISCLAIMER: Characters, not mine. Story, mine.
“Have you read Like Water for Chocolate?”
“I don’t think so,” Lindsay answered breathlessly, though she was in no condition to guarantee the accuracy of any memory at the moment. One hand reached out for the cool floor, hoping to bring her body temperature down an iota. The other refused to untangle itself from Cindy’s inviting hair.
“You should. The story is so intense, and the imagery is incredible. There are all of these… just these perfect moments.”
Inhalations and exhalations still in the process of evening out and slowing back to normal and eyes as yet still unopened, Lindsay lazily smiled at the ceiling. One day, she’d get around to telling Cindy how damn sexy it was when she talked about literature, the way her voice wrapped around it with flagrant adoration for the subject. Lindsay had discovered early on in their nightly phone calls how incredibly seductive it could be, but it was more so by far with Cindy lying right there on top of her.
But now she would add that, as much as Cindy loved literature, literature had to love Cindy back, because she was going to impact it in a big way. If you asked Cindy who the world’s greatest author was, she would list a few names and be unable to choose between them, but if you asked Lindsay who the world’s greatest author was, she would say Cindy. Even if Cindy didn’t believe her. And she didn’t. Even if Cindy blamed the impression on personal bias. And she did. Even though, when she had told Cindy that she had never read anything as powerful as Inamorata, and Cindy knew very well just how many classics she’d devoured lately while waiting for serenity to return to their lives, Cindy had just laughed off the notion, there would come a day when she would be able to believe it.
It had taken Lindsay only a few days to get through it, and, in general, she wasn’t exactly a dedicated reader. It was just that easy to read… and that difficult. It felt something like reliving it, and yet it didn’t, because this time she knew very well how the story ended, and if ever there was a moment of panic, she could just look over and find Cindy there, safe and beautiful beside her.
And whenever she had turned one page too many and the truth of it all weighed too heavily, somehow Cindy knew. She would come to her, slide the manuscript from Lindsay’s hand, and make her forget again.
It wasn’t just that Cindy had made it all feel so real and alive and intense simply through words on a page, but that Cindy had gotten so deeply inside her own psyche. Lindsay had been as open with Cindy as she could possibly be, but it was still phenomenal that Cindy seemed better able to express her emotions than she was.
And the belief that the book was something extraordinary wasn’t all just personal bias. Or if it was, it wasn’t hers alone. Because when she’d turned the last page and Cindy had looked over at her with those big, expressive eyes, seeming so anxious about what she might hear and asked in a small voice, which instantly made Lindsay surrender to her just a little bit more, “What do you think?”, at the time Lindsay could only manage a whispered, “It’s amazing,” before suggesting that she allow Claire and Jill to read it.
“Really?” Cindy asked, looking even more nervous.
“Really,” Lindsay said, reaching out to push one of those wild pieces of hair behind Cindy’s ear.
Both because she believed that they would want to, and because she needed corroboration that it wasn’t just extreme favoritism for the author that had her thinking that Inamorata was as exceptional as she thought it was.
So Jill and Claire had gotten copies one day and that night she and Cindy’s movie had been interrupted by the phone. Or, rather, the on the couch activities that their movie-watching had dissolved into were interrupted.
When Lindsay answered, Claire barely took the time to insert a rushed hello before getting down to business.
“Did you know that she could write like this?” she asked in a rather stern voice that made Lindsay feel that if she had known and kept it under wraps, she would have been in serious trouble for it.
“No,” Lindsay answered, looking softly at the subject of their conversation who gave her a peculiar expression in return.
There had been hints that Cindy could evoke such strong emotions through her writing, but most of those had been in Cindy’s letters to her and she’d chocked it up to being head over heels and that information was really none of Claire’s business.
Then came the question that Lindsay had been wondering herself for days.
“Did she know?”
Lindsay’s eyes studied Cindy, who had taken to picking the most appetizing pieces from their abandoned bowl of popcorn.
“I still don’t think she does,” Lindsay responded.
That had gotten Cindy’s attention and when she hung up the phone, Cindy was just waiting with questions. Like normal.
“Were you talking about me?”
“Yes,” Lindsay replied.
“What did she say?”
Lindsay had every intention of telling the truth, but the phone rang again, and again Lindsay answered.
Jill had been quick to tell her with a fervent certainty that Cindy was way beyond The Register. She’d backed it up with quotes from the first few chapters, and, in one word responses, Lindsay continued to encourage the argument, but then Cindy reached out for her hand, interlocking and unlocking their fingers, softly caressing her palm with teasing fingertips, and by the time Lindsay could remove the phone from the equation, the game had become so consuming, Cindy just crawled up to kiss her and they’d spent the rest of the night not talking.
Cindy hadn’t asked about it again.
“Anyway,” Cindy’s soft voice lulled Lindsay willingly back into the present. “Whatever the characters are feeling while they cook goes into the food and the people who eat it consume that emotion and behave accordingly.”
“So what you’re telling me is we’re working on an orgy here?”
Cindy’s short laugh blew across her chest as a gently probing hand tickled a pattern onto her abdomen beneath her shirt. The more Lindsay considered the joke though, the less amusing it became to her. She grimaced as she considered the guest list and the notion came into sharper perspective.
“That would be really uncomfortable for me.”
Cindy’s head lifted from her chest and humored, devoted eyes toyed with Lindsay’s.
“You don’t really think I’d let anyone else put their hands on you, do you?”
“You’ll protect me?”
“Always,” Cindy’s voice softened. “I’ve got this.”
Lindsay chuckled until Cindy’s eyes abandoned hers to glance toward the stove and the knowledge that their own very perfect moment might be coming to an end depressed the sound.
“I should really get up and stir that before it sticks,” Cindy said, not seeming like she wanted to move much either. But she did anyway, leaning up to kiss Lindsay’s pout away before pushing up off of her. Straightening her clothes just enough to make sure everything was adequately covered, Cindy lifted the lid, sending a pleasant aroma drifting down Lindsay’s way.
“All clear?” Lindsay queried, slowly forcing herself up and moving over behind Cindy to glance into the huge pot.
“We’re good.”
Hands wandering to Cindy’s waist and chin coming to rest on her shoulder, Lindsay sighed as her fingertips unconsciously found their way under Cindy’s shirt again. At least it was unconscious until her hands hit skin and all of her senses were instantly heightened.
Cindy leaned back into her, laying the spoon down on the counter, and replaced the lid. This was how they’d ended up on the floor in the first place, but Lindsay really couldn’t help it. Like nothing else on earth, she loved touching Cindy, and it was a compulsion she didn’t feel much need to fight.
“How much time do we have?”
The soft, breathy question was a very healthy dose of oxygen to Lindsay’s already well-fed flame.
“Almost three hours,” she whispered against Cindy’s ear.
She watched appreciatively as Cindy’s hand reached across the range and turned the dial to its lowest setting before Cindy’s body turned unhurriedly in her arms and she stretched up, full, inviting lips meeting Lindsay’s own in a tender collision.
“Maybe we can actually make it to the bed this time.”
They did… and stayed so long, they had to rush through getting ready and barely made it back downstairs in time to answer the door to Claire and her family. Cindy was latched onto so quickly, she had no choice but to let herself be dragged away, not that she would have tried to prevent it if she could.
The perfect block of her sons, plus Ed’s tagging along with them, freed Claire up to trail Lindsay into the kitchen. Hip resting against the counter, Claire poured herself a glass of wine from the open bottle and supply of glasses next to her as Lindsay worked on finishing up with dinner.
“Things are better,” Claire declared.
“I told you they were,” Lindsay replied easily.
“Yeah, but… things are a lot better.”
Irrepressible smile spreading across her face, Lindsay looked over to find knowing dark eyes joyfully dancing above the rim of Claire’s glass. Claire cleared the space between them in one small step and hugged Lindsay so tightly it felt as if nothing could ever go wrong again. When she pulled away, there was more Claire wanted to say, it was clear, but her chance came and went at the sound of the doorbell.
“I should get that.”
“Yeah, you should. I guarantee my kids aren’t going to let Cindy up to go to the door.”
Of course they weren’t, because the boys adored Cindy. Peripherally, Lindsay saw them sitting together on the sofa as she passed through. Everyone in Lindsay’s life had submitted so quickly to Cindy’s charms. How she had personally fought off affection for her for so long, Lindsay wasn’t quite sure. Or why. Strange, she couldn’t remember now.
When Cindy said everyone, she meant everyone, and while that seemed to offer all kinds of opportunity for discomfort, when Lindsay answered the door to find Tom and Heather standing before her in the doorway, there wasn’t any. Having things in their proper place, having Cindy, clarified a lot of things about life.
“Hi,” she greeted them. “Thanks for coming.”
“Thanks for inviting us,” Heather responded, a little nervously and apparently surprised that she had been.
“Come on in,” Lindsay smiled, shutting the door after them. “Cindy is…”
She glanced back and was struck momentarily speechless by what Cindy was doing. Flanked on either side by the two eager young boys, Cindy was showing them the Super Bowl program, and from the looks on their faces, probably regaling them with tales from the game. A powerful twinge clutched Lindsay’s heart at the sight and she swallowed down the sensation.
“Uh,” she started, remembering suddenly that she’d been talking. “Cindy’s right there with Ed and the boys.”
“Aren’t Jacobi and Jill coming?” Tom asked.
“Yes. Jill’s picking him up. He’s probably being slow about it.”
“You’d think he was shot in the head or something.”
“Tom!”
She and Tom both laughed at Heather’s horrified expression, and when she realized how much enjoyment they were getting from her reaction, Heather gave in and laughed at herself. It felt surprisingly good to be laidback with them.
“Why don’t you go on over. Do you want a drink?” Lindsay asked, already moving toward the kitchen.
“Wait. Linds,” Tom said, halting her movement, dropping his voice to a confidential volume. “Before we go in with everyone, I wanted to let you know. You’re being promoted.”
Head practically whirling around at the completely unexpected announcement, Lindsay just stood dumbfounded for a moment.
“I’m being promoted?” she finally asked. “I was up for a promotion?”
“Lindsay, this was a huge arrest… that you pretty much single-handedly managed to make. I don’t know if I would have.”
“You recommended it?”
Tom nodded.
“You deserve it. It might mean a little more time behind a desk, but I imagine there will come a time when risking your life every day isn’t going to be as appealing for you.”
Tom’s eyes wandered to Cindy on the couch and returned with a rather profound awareness in them.
“Thank you,” Lindsay whispered, still reeling a bit from the news.
“They wanted to wait and tell you when you came back,” Tom continued. “Do a thing, you know, but I wanted you to know in advance, because there’s a raise involved. It would cover the difference in price if you wanted to hang onto this place.”
She did. And she was pretty sure that Cindy would want that. She glanced back again and Cindy looked up at her with a smile before she was pulled back in by a question.
“I don’t know what to say,” she said, turning her attention back to Tom.
“You don’t have to say anything. You deserve it.”
Feeling grateful and incredibly fortunate, it didn’t feel wrong to hug Tom in front of Heather, and because she was unable to contain her delight, it felt kind of right to hug Heather too.
Once Jill arrived with Jacobi, and everyone was set up at the table except for the boys, who were settled in front of the TV, Lindsay finally wrangled a moment alone with Cindy in the kitchen.
“Hey,” she said, pulling Cindy around from the stove and wrapping her arms around her waist.
“Hey,” Cindy said back.
“Listen, I…” She paused long enough that Cindy’s eyebrow went up an inch in silent question. “Tom just told me I’ve been promoted to Lieutenant.”
“Lieutenant?” Cindy’s smile was so genuine, it was hard to imagine how recently she wasn’t smiling at all. “Really? That’s awesome.”
“Yeah. It’s pretty good,” Lindsay agreed modestly. “He also mentioned an increase in salary… so if you wanted to stay here…”
For a few seconds that seemed painfully long, Cindy just looked at her.
“Where will you be?” she finally asked.
“I assumed. I mean, I…” Lindsay stumbled until she looked into Cindy’s humored and expectant expression. “I’ll be here. If you don’t want that, that’s fine. If you want your own place, it’s understandable. It’s just that I…”
She was silenced by Cindy’s lips pressing softly against hers.
“I don’t want my own place,” Cindy clarified as she pulled away. “I want this. But can we have this somewhere slightly less expensive? I can’t even afford half this place.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“What… are you gonna be my sugar mama?” Cindy smirked.
“Would that be so bad?”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me, Lindsay,” Cindy’s grin faded some.
“I like taking care of you,” Lindsay responded. “I just want to be with you. It really doesn’t matter where. But I am pretty fond of this place.”
“I’ll be wherever you want me to be,” Cindy sighed.
Lindsay’s hand reached up, running through thick locks, and pulled Cindy to her. Fingers resting against the back of Cindy’s head, her lips slowly caressed a full, warm mouth until Cindy opened to her, deepening the kiss. Her other hand drifted up to Cindy’s cheek and small hands against her back pulled her closer.
“What’s the hold up?” Jill’s voice cut in, but they were still slow in parting. “Okay, I know we said that we would knock, but there is no door here.”
Cindy’s head fell against her shoulder and Lindsay could hear the undertones of suppressed laughter.
“Sorry,” Lindsay responded with a grin.
“You’re not sorry,” Jill disputed. “That you were interrupted maybe.”
“Do you need any help?” Claire asked, tapping Jill lightly on the arm with her fist.
“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”
Cindy pulled away and gave her a secret smile before the four of them got everything ready to be taken into the table.
“Okay listen,” Jill turned to them when they were about to head in. “There are some things that, with everything, I haven’t had a chance to say that really need to be said.”
She was using her lawyer voice, forceful and deadly serious.
“Okay,” Cindy said carefully, a small frown coming to her face.
“One,” Jill stated firmly, her eyes going to Cindy and locking in on her alone. “You… are the most amazing writer I have ever read. I… It… You… Just…”
As she finally gave up and broke off with a small growl, Lindsay glanced at Cindy, who seemed to be struggling to process Jill’s words. Or lack thereof.
“And two,” Jill’s gaze widened to pull Lindsay in as well, and a gentle, genuine smile softened her features. “I’m really happy for you guys.”
Lindsay didn’t realize that what Jill and Claire thought of their new relationship status was a lingering concern until the relief rushed through her at the declaration.
“Okay, we’re done.” Jill snatched up her load and walked out before it had a chance to become a raging emotional scene.
“Well that kind of ruined my moment,” Claire playfully grumbled, before giving them a gentle smile of her own. “But I second both those things.”
She too gathered her cargo and left the room, and they were once again alone in the kitchen.
Slowly, Lindsay turned and tear-filled eyes glanced up at her. She backed Cindy into the counter, letting her body meld against the redhead’s fully, because she just couldn’t stand not to.
“I told you,” Lindsay said.
Through the watery barrier, Cindy stared up at her. “I’m really happy for us,” she breathed.
Lindsay took a deep breath, lost somewhere deep inside of Cindy’s eyes where she didn’t ever want to be found.
“So am I.”
Even as she smiled, a single tear broke the invisible wall keeping the rest at bay and slid down Cindy’s cheek.
The good kind.
Lindsay raised her hand to wipe the errant droplet away with her thumb with a silent wish that, like this one, all future tears would fall for all the right reasons.
The End
Damn. You know it look me quite a long time to even read this one. I read the first episode and thought it was way too dark for me. So I went and read every single other thing you’d written and when I ran out, I was pressed to read this. And I have to say this is probably my favorite of all of them, because it’s about triumph over adversity. I think that relationships built around that fact are always stronger than those that never face it. And so you can be pretty confident at the end of this that forever is really forever for these two, and that’s awesome.
I’ll second what everyone else says too. You’re a fantastic writer, and you have their characterization down pat, to the point where I almost can’t tell that this is a fan fic. Congrats, mate, on one helluva great story!
So, over the past week I’ve read all the fic you’ve posted here – and I’m getting ready to order that book of yours shortly. I’ve loved everything you’ve written, but this one particularly is just…beyond words. Since I’m having trouble thinking of my own, I’m going to paraphrase yours.
When Jill says Cindy is “way beyond the Register,” I thought of all the stuff of yours I’ve read. I originally loved the funny, sexy, silly falling in love stories. I had to take a day or two off before reading this to get into the darker mood. But this? Quite frankly, beyond fanfic. You simultaneously have the characterization down pat, but have created a situtation that would draw me in no matter who the characters were. There’s no way for me to be as eloquent in my praise as you deserve, so I’ll just say this: please keep writing. Most importantly for yourself, but for us fans out here in the ether 🙂
-Rook
ok, 1st, Whannnn its over. 2nd i loved it i have to say its the best yet. it was soo good coming home and reading it! you wrapped it up very well no lose ends and a very happy ending. the whole thing was kinda dark but here is the light at the end of the tunnel. and number next… what are you planning on writing next? i know you have extrem stenstivety but what is after that? or even along with that? i cant wait to see! you did a fucking great job…just keep it up…i need something to do! 🙂 good job.
Riley, all I can think to say is this: literature loves you too.
Thankyou.
This was great and although im bummed that this is the end it was a great ending!!! I loved the whole story and can’t wait for more of your stuff!!!
This was fucking epic. And this last chapter, which I’m sure was a torture for you to write being that as a writer you don’t want to let the stories go, was not only superb, but one brilliant way to end this story, this fucking epic, on such an authentic and happy note. I’m really blown away by it. I don’t think I’ve ever read a fan fiction yet that was as full, or as suspenseful, or as complex, or as tribulating as this one. It’s web-turner, (or the internet version of a page turner) and I’m so coming back to read it again and again. Props to an amazing story and for being so controlled in writing it, keeping the tension and the suspense, and above all, Lindsay’s triumph with finally allowing herself to fall in and be surrounded by the kind of love that lasts forever. “That’s gold” thumbs up for this awesome read. I hope you continue to write these kinds, and all other kinds, of Lindsay/Cindy stories in the future because you certainly have a flair for it. And I am an unashamed fan of your writing.
Which means I’m looking forward to the next update of Extreme Sensitivity, but then who isn’t. 😉
But as a last chapter and a final note for such a powerful story, this one was brilliant. Inamorata is amazing! 🙂
Have a good one.
I’ve been trying to think of a comment to describe this chapter and the story as a whole, and frankly, anything I’ve come up with just doesn’t do it justice.
So, I’ll just say, thank you for writing this amazing love story and sharing it with the of us. 🙂
Argh its over…!
But, it was amazing. From the harshness at the beginning, the trauma and the adaptation period to – “I’m happy for us.” Your writing blows me away. And I love what you did for my favourite characters.
Thank you guys. Seriously.
I can’t begin to explain how much comments like these mean to me.
I had been staring at the blinking cursor for the past 5 minutes and I still don’t know what to say. I’m speechless, this story is amazing. I can’t thank you enough for giving the characters I know and adore such beautiful and powerful story, the kind they deserve but didn’t get in the TV series.
Thank you.
And we’ll see another WMC epic from you soon, Y/Y? 🙂
aaaargh. I haven’t read this yet and i’m dying to!!! i know it’s been up here for a while now, but in the last week i haven’t had the time to read it. and i won’t probably have it until next monday.
but in the mean time i wanted to let you know that i’m just too damn busy with an exam and uni is stressing me out so i won’t read the end to this wonderful wonderful story until i’ll be able to enjoy it and give it the time it should be given.
I’m really dying to read this, I miss your stories!
hugs
Riley,
-before you read this i have to let you in on the saga: this afternoon i finally wrote my comment (below), then i had to switch users on the computer and i lost it all… i was so upset, but finally rallied myself to write another. After i was able to reiterate my thoughts (this time in a somewhat shorter, more coherent way i’ve discovered) i came back. Firefox asked me if i wanted to ‘reinitiate’ my windows when it was so rudely interrupted and i click yes without really having any hope. But low and behold, before my eyes lay every word i’d felt the loss of so bitterly.
After reading my first and second attempt, i decided on the first, because even though i think i may come off entirely too wide-eyed and a little mentally unstable (i blame it on my seriously bad day) i thought it was more honest.
Er… so here it is (feeling totally self-conscious now)
“Hi, i found your website a week ago and… well, i’ve been blown away. After discovering i’m a ‘lurker’ i was determined to make a comment, but i just had to wait to the end of Inamorata. I’ve never read fan fic before, (i’m pretty sure i didn’t know it existed) and now -I’m hooked. Being a student it’s a little easier for me to abandon my life for a little while to immerse myself in your masterful writing, but seriously, my methods work had taken (yet another) dive down my priorities list, to the effect of me failing the subject being a possibility. Haha 🙂 I have this theory on communicating with authors i read, it may sound manically self-centered but i was always deathly afraid that if i talked/typed to anyone of them i’d somehow be that tiny grain of sand that tilted everything over and somehow the story would change after that. But my fears have disappeared in the face of this interactive medium. It and you amaze me.
I live in Melbourne Australia and here they’ve only shown part of the first series of WMC (i only have free-to-air, plus broadband is a new luxury in my life) so i don’t know the characters too well, but i can’t deny latching on to the chemistry between Cindy and Lindsay.
Anyway, keep it up, you are such a gifted writer and thank-you for sharing with the world, you’ve defiantly brightened my life.
May
P.s please don’t stop posting videos, i’ve missed out on all the others because they’ve been removed, so i’m still looking forward to my first.”
Hope you can understand, sorry again for being so confusing
May
Not confusing at all. I appreciate the comments.
awww….this was so good! if a little dark…but really! excellent! they should make an episode like this…oh wait, they canceled the show 😛
Riley,
I almost skipped this one because you had my heart in my throat in the first installment when I had to sit here for a moment and ask myself, “Martha? Who the hell is Martha?” because I just could not believe you would do that to Lindsay’s dog…
But I stayed and I read the whole thing even thought I haven’t slept in days and I have a migraine that would probably kill a moose but every time I went to lay down I managed about 20 minutes before cussing a blue streak and scaring my dogs half to death (Which is saying a lot…they are tiny dogs…) by jumping up and coming back to the computer.
Bravo to you! The emotions were real and very believable to the point that they were so damn hard to witness. It is true that many writers jump from the rescue to the riding off into the sunset and sometimes those endings do fit, but not with someone like Cindy. Someone like her questions everything… not to find fault, but to find wonder… And she would have to fight her way back from the place where she got lost to once again step into that light.
Anyway, I have babbled enough. You are wonderful! And if you don’t update your other stories soon I am going to find you and super glue your fingers to the keyboard…which I am sure your woman would not be happy about! (Or women…whatever the case may be!)
DAx =/=
I’m so late to the party! But I love it when fics are complete and I can trawl through them at my own rate – not that I trawled through this one. It is so great.
(I “discovered” you through the WMC virtual season and I’m here to stick around!)
I really think that fanfic is making me like TV shows more than I liked them before. I wasn’t much into WMC, and your fics have really just shoved me back into the world and I think I can love it, now. I still don’t know who the Kiss Me Not killer is (haven’t seen the final ever episode) and now I’m reeeally curious to know!
Anyway. You are one of the best writers whose work I’ve had the pleasure of reading. I am so going to find your novel and feed your starving writer tip jar.
While I do regret frightening your dogs, Dax, I’m glad that you found this story that compelling. Thank you so much for your comments. I am trying to work on my other stories. Real life sucks!
Welcome Chloe! I’m glad you are here to stick around. And glad to help turn someone onto WMC. Though, I warn you, you might find the Kiss Me Not wrap-up on the show a bit of a disappointment. I know I did. Thank you so much for all of the kind words.
Once again- Amazing,Brilliant,Fantastic just Perfect writing,such a great story! Thank you.
Wow. I stumbled onto this fic by way of a manifesto written by demeter94 over on passion_perfect on lj. I meant to read just the first chapter and slowly work my way through, however, here I sit close to 10 hours later having read the entire thing and then re-read it, because I really couldn’t get enough the first time.
Lindsay/Cindy are on of my all time favourite couples to read fan fic for, and this blows everything else I’ve read for them completely away. I have read hundreds if not thousands of fan fics, spanning several fandoms and pairings, and this piece is by far THE BEST thing I have ever had the pleasure of reading.
You breathed life into these characters in a way that I have not seen any other writer accomplish. The mystery within the story was compelling, the emotions that Lindsay was feeling were so well developed, I could feel them myself. Every detail in this came together seamlessly to create not only an emotional journey for the characters, but for the reader as well.
The love story that you have written here is one of the most singularly beautiful things that it has been my pleasure to read in a very long time. All I can say is this was amazing. You are beyond talented and I can’t wait to read more of your work.
i too came across this due to demeter’s manifesto. I had been suffering major wmc withdrawals and needed a boost. Thank god i found this. It is seriously the best wmc fic ever. It was all encompassing, fixing a lot of the errors with the series (don’t get me started on the finale).
I am making my way through your work and i am in awe. Your really have a gift with embodying these characters. I really miss the series but at least i have this to read.