Inamorata (2/36) – WMC fic

PAIRING: Lindsay/Cindy
DISCLAIMER: Characters, not mine. Story, mine.

It had been some time since Lindsay had been to the morgue knowing that Claire was down there. These days, she sent someone to get the information she needed, or, if she had to go herself, checked the schedule to make sure Claire was off-duty. Same with Jill and the DA’s office. She didn’t want to keep reminding people that she had friends, not when there was a sadist after her.

But she needed this information urgently, and, more importantly than that, she was planning to tell Claire what she had done to Cindy, because she needed Claire to explain to Cindy why she had done it. She was certain that Cindy already knew, but knowing and understanding were two different things, and maybe a second, very soothing voice, could make Cindy accept that her reasoning was honorable, even if she had gone about it in the worst possible way.

She was also secretly craving the chastisement that Claire was sure to deliver along with her sympathy.

That Claire wouldn’t be alone when she went down there hadn’t crossed Lindsay’s mind… much. But Claire wasn’t alone. Lindsay kept forgetting that she was the one out of the club. It still existed without her presence.

“Linds,” Jill said, rushing over to hug her. “Are you okay?”

“Easy,” Lindsay hissed, and Jill let up on her slightly.

“God, we were so worried about you.”

“I’m alright.”

When Jill finally let her go, Claire was right there to take her place.

Lindsay’s eyes slid over to where Cindy was leaned against the counter, her fingers gripping the edge so hard her knuckles were white, but Cindy expertly avoided her gaze.

She could tell by Jill and Claire’s surprise that Cindy didn’t jump up to greet her that Cindy hadn’t said anything to them about what had happened between them.

“What do you got for me?” Lindsay asked, mostly to stop Jill and Claire from looking back and forth between Cindy and her.

“Um… he was being abused by someone,” Claire started, walking to her desk and finding a file.

She continued to go over the evidence she found on the boy’s body, and Lindsay tried to be attentive, but her eyes kept being drawn back to Cindy, who hadn’t moved at all since she’d entered Claire’s office. Only her focus had shifted, from the wall to the floor.

Lindsay really was trying to stay detached, trying to cling to the rationale behind why she had behaved so brutally toward someone she cared so much about. She tried to remember that there was an important reason not to get involved. But when she looked at Cindy, all she could remember were the good parts of what had transpired that night; what she had craved, what she had experienced, and how horrible it felt to push Cindy away when all that she really wanted was for Cindy to stay with her all night and hold her.

And then Claire mentioned the one thing that could distract her from gazing across the room at Cindy. Cindy.

“Cindy actually found some information that might be useful.”

Jill and Claire joined her in looking over at Cindy, but Cindy was oblivious to her role in the conversation.

“Cindy?” Jill asked gently. “Do you want to tell Lindsay what you found? Or I could tell her.”

“Whatever,” Cindy replied dully.

And that was it. Lindsay couldn’t take it anymore.

“Could you give us some time?” she asked Jill and Claire.

“No!” Cindy suddenly became much more lively. “You don’t have to.”

“Please,” Lindsay added, her eyes locked on Cindy.

It was obvious who the more dominant force was when Jill and Claire got up and left the room, Claire pulling the door closed behind her.

“Cindy…”

Apparently her name was some kind of psychological trigger word, because the moment Lindsay uttered it, Cindy tried to flee.

Lindsay moved to stop her, stoving her still aching body. Her ribs screamed in protest as she rushed for the door. She would have easily beaten Cindy there in any other condition, but, as it was, she made it just in time to push the door closed again, jerking the door knob from Cindy’s hand. She locked the door, and Cindy seemed to realize that she’d lost her opportunity.

“What?” she snapped.

But Lindsay didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t actually thought that far ahead. She just couldn’t leave this negative emotion festering between them, especially when, for her, the real feeling was so much the opposite. Even if she wasn’t seeing Cindy on a regular basis anymore, knowing that Cindy hated her was something she just couldn’t handle right now.

“So, it’s time?” Cindy asked suddenly.

Lindsay furrowed her brow in all due confusion.

“Do you need me to take care of you again?”

The bitter question stung every bit as much as it was intended to.

“Yes,” Lindsay answered, because it was true. But not in the way that Cindy made it seem.

Cindy scoffed and reached for the lock. Lindsay moved into her path, grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. Cindy did everything in her power to try to get away, but Lindsay just trailed after her, not allowing her to escape. She felt Cindy’s body relax under her hands, Cindy’s lips soften, as she finally acquiesced and let Lindsay kiss her. But she wasn’t kissing back, and when Lindsay finally pulled away to see if anything had changed, Cindy looked as if she wanted to slap her. She managed to refrain, but Lindsay almost wished that she would go ahead and do it. The physical pain might detract from the severe detachment in Cindy’s glare. So, this was how it felt to be on the receiving end of that look. No wonder Cindy hated her right now.

“Just let me explain,” Lindsay heard herself saying.

“I’m not stopping you,” Cindy responded tersely.

Lindsay realized that it was going to be considerably more difficult getting out of this mess than it was getting in. Then, she realized she might not be able to get out of it. She realized that what she’d done may have irreparable consequences that she hadn’t predicted, consequences that she couldn’t live with.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking.

She felt tears threatening again. What was it about Cindy that kept bringing everything she was trying so hard to suppress so easily to the surface? And why did she hear words coming out of her mouth that she wasn’t actually taking the time to process first?

“I shouldn’t have, but I wanted to. I wanted you. I still want you. I needed you so badly, and then I realized what I’d done, and I knew if I tried to reason with you, you wouldn’t leave. And you weren’t safe there. You’re not safe with me. I am sorry for the way that I treated you, because it’s the last thing I wanted to do. I’m so sorry. I was wrong. But I can’t let anything happen to you. You mean everything to me. And I… I…”

Lindsay had run out of things to say, and she was sure she’d said too much. But the next thing she knew, Cindy’s arms were snaking around her neck and they were kissing again, only this time Cindy was a more active participant.

Lindsay’s hands slid down the backs of Cindy’s thighs and she pulled Cindy’s legs up around her waist. She walked in the general direction of Claire’s desk until she bumped into it, and sat Cindy down on the edge, knocking something over behind her that she couldn’t find it within herself to be too terribly concerned with at the moment.

Cindy pulled away, gasping for breath, and Lindsay dropped her head down onto Cindy’s shoulder. Fingers slowly moved to the back of her head, massaging her scalp lightly. She tried not to purr at the touch.

“I’m scared,” Lindsay confessed in barely a whisper.

“I know,” Cindy said softly in her ear.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Cindy didn’t respond to that, and Lindsay felt the stab that came with knowing that Cindy wasn’t sure whether or not to believe it.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

She felt Cindy nod against her.

“We can’t do this now.”

Cindy’s shoulder rose and fell beneath her forehead, and the warm air as Cindy sighed stirred the hair on Lindsay’s temple.

“You want me to stay away from the safe house?” Cindy asked.

“Yes.”

“Fine.”

“Good,” Lindsay breathed, relieved.

“But me coming here, that’s nothing unusual. I’ve been here, Linds… just waiting. And you being here is nothing unusual. Don’t you get it? You don’t have to stay away from us completely to keep us safe. Where is safer in this city? Please don’t shut me out.”

“Are you proposing what I think you’re proposing?” Lindsay asked, lifting her head to look at Cindy.

“I don’t know. What do you think I’m proposing?”

Cindy looked like Cindy. The fury had faded away and left in its place the person that Lindsay knew so much better. God, she’d missed her.

“An office romance?”

“I don’t know how romantic this place can be,” Cindy countered. “I just want to see you. And maybe, when no one is looking, touch you a little.”

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I like your style, Thomas.”

Cindy smiled in earnest. Her hands slid up over Lindsay’s shoulders and pulled her forward. Lindsay got lost in the feel of Cindy’s lips and tongue assailing her mouth. She wanted more, so much more, but she doubted that Claire would appreciate walking in to find the two of them in flagrante on her desk. So, before she was so entranced she could no longer think straight, she put her hands on Cindy’s wrists to remove them from her neck, pulled out of the kiss, thread her fingers with Cindy’s and rested their hands against her chest.

Cindy’s eyes stared into hers.

“You really hurt me.”

Lindsay took a deep, painful, breath.

“I know,” she answered quietly. “I’m really sorry.”

“I know,” Cindy said. “So, how are you gonna make it up to me?”

Lindsay’s lips quirked up.

“I don’t know. But I will make it up to you.”

She would have really liked to have stood there all day, staring down into Cindy’s eyes, but that wasn’t realistic, especially when Jacobi was waiting for her upstairs to go interview some people from the boy’s school.

“We should probably let them back in,” she said, tilting her head toward the door.

“I’m sure that their ears are sore from pressing them against the door so hard,” Cindy added with a nod.

Lindsay let go of Cindy’s hands to wrap her arms around Cindy’s shoulders, pulling her against her. Cindy’s forehead pressed against her neck and Cindy’s hands slid up under her shirt to rest on her back, making it all the harder to let her go again.

One more quick kiss as she extricated herself from the hug wasn’t helping Lindsay get to the door any faster, but she couldn’t help herself. If this was the way they were going to manage this, she was going to have to sneak them in whenever she could, and she didn’t know when she would next have the chance.

What felt much too quickly, she was heading for the door. Cindy got up from Claire’s desk and straightened everything that they’d rearranged by accident.

Lindsay glanced to make sure that everything was back in order before unlocking the door and pulling it open. She was half expecting Jill and Claire to fall in at her feet. They didn’t, but they hadn’t gone far either.

“Everything okay?” Claire asked, looking fairly uneasy.

“Better than,” Lindsay responded with a smile.