“Boys Will Be Boys” and Other Rape Legerdemain That Should Make Real Men Scream

I hate being angry. Being angry fucks with my writing, and that makes me even madder. That’s why I often go out of my way to ignore current events, because they depress me to a point that I simply can’t function. I’m not so much a “channel your anger into something positive” person as an “assume the fetal position and weep” kind of girl.

Generally speaking, when I am mum on an issue, it has gone one of two ways.

One, I don’t give a bippidi-fuck.

Two, I am boiling over with such incredible rage or sadness that I don’t think even people who come here by choice should be exposed to my venom.

Bearing that in mind, know that I have dragged myself from that second extreme in order to put forth a few thoughts on rape culture (inspired, of course, by Steubenville and female-devaluation in the media). Because, frankly, I am so tired of the fucking fictions.

Fiction 1 – Boys will be boys.

Boys think women are there for their use. Boys make rape jokes. Boys give into peer pressure. Boys get horny and just can’t control themselves.

Why do women ever offer this as an excuse? And why don’t more men get riled up about it?

Why You Should Be Mad

You’ve just been labeled a misogynistic, insensitive, weak-willed species who can’t control your impulses. Why wouldn’t you get mad?

What You Should Be Saying

While your son, husband or father may be untamed, I am human, I am civilized, I have compassion and decency. Don’t put your sick shit on all of us.

Fiction 2 – She wanted it.

She wants it if she is drunk.
She wants it in the trunk.
She wants it if she says no.
She wants it, she just doesn’t know.

Why You Should Be Mad

You’re decent guys trying your best everyday to be as lovable and desirable as possible, just like the rest of us. You try not to hurt anyone. You know when a woman wants you and when she doesn’t. You know you have to accept rejection. It’s a part of life.

These guys go through their lives thinking they are irresistible Adonises when they have more in common with the many famous serial killers who also enjoyed rape as a hobby.

What You Should Be Saying

No, she didn’t want it. You are a loser who lies in wait for girls to be incapacitated or overpowers them with brute strength. I am a winner who treats women with respect and courtesy, and, therefore, whom women actually do want. And when I make girls scream, it’s in ecstasy, not for help.

Fiction 3 – That isn’t what happened.

She says rape. He says consensual. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. It’s all chalked up to a big misunderstanding.

Why You Should Be Mad

If you loaned a friend $1000, and were told upon asking for it later, “That isn’t what happened,” you wouldn’t accept that answer. You would know that you loaned him the money, that you didn’t give him the money, and you would expect a much more detailed explanation for why he thinks that’s what happened. So, when men respond to rape accusations with “That isn’t what happened,” you should expect more.

Men also lie more than women, or so says a UK poll conducted on behalf of the Science Museum of central London. Per the poll, men, on average, told three lies to women’s two per day. What’s more, one of women’s top five lies was recognizable as the most commonly-mocked excuse for getting out of sex – “I have a headache.” So, if it’s all just going to turn into a big ‘he said, she said,’ statistics say, three strikes, you’re out, guys.

What You Should Be Saying

“Did she say no?”

“She didn’t? Well, could she speak?”

Because those are the only questions.

Fiction 4 – She knew what was going to happen.

He asks if she wants to go for a ride in his convertible. She says yes. He considers that “consent.”

Why You Should Be Mad

You are a trustworthy guy, and women want to trust you. They want to be able hang out in private and engage in mind-blowing makeout sessions. Maybe even a little under-the-clothes stuff if everybody’s game. Rapists make this level of trust nearly impossible.

Translation: Rapists are cock-blocking the hell out of you.

What You Should Be Saying

I’m pretty sure when women get into a car, they think you’re going for a drive, when they go to a party, they are going to hang out with friends, and when you invite them in to see your paintings, they think you actually know how to paint. If you mean fucking, you should say fucking. Then, you’ll know for sure you’re on the same page.

Fiction 5 – The promising lives of young boys are ruined by rape.

He was convicted of rape. We know he did it. But it’s so unfair. He’s just a boy.

Why You Should Be Mad

First, it’s not true. Yes, boys convicted of rape have to register as sex offenders because they are sex offenders. However, even in areas that have automated systems to warn neighbors when a sex offender has moved in, neighbors have to be proactive in finding out the sex offender’s name and address.

Being on the registry also doesn’t keep offenders from finding gainful employment. In fact, all states prohibit use of the sex offender registry in employment decisions by law.

It also doesn’t prevent sex offenders from getting married or having children.

These three things are life for most people.

Which brings us to the second reason you should be mad.

These men have shown a gross misunderstanding of the word “no” or proven what they do when a woman can’t say “no,” and they still might end up working alongside your daughters, your wives and your girlfriends. And, while they have to register their home addresses, they don’t have to tell their coworkers. This makes people you care about vulnerable, which should always make you angry.

What You Should Be Saying

If you feel that your life has been ruined, blame yourself. Hell, maybe even throw some shade at your parents. If you had respect for women and didn’t feel entitled to whatever you want, you wouldn’t be in this position. Your life has been changed by a choice you made, and her life has also been changed by a choice YOU made. You are not the victim. You are the villain.

And, thank fate, just when I thought this day was a lost cause, destroyed by anger and frustration, I discovered this guy. He takes it all the way home, and, starting right around 7:00, makes a point that has been one of my great soapbox subjects for years.

This guy, not complicit. From his lips to my brothers’ and nephews’ ears.

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