To Whom It May Concern at the IRS –

Those of you who are my co-Twitterers might recall from a few weeks ago that the IRS thinks I owe them a substantial chunk of change. One reason for this is a failure to do some basic research. The other reason is because they are confused by the gay.

Here’s how I told them that I don’t owe them the money they think.

Names have not been changed.

To Whom It May Concern at the IRS  –

I have received a Summary of Proposed Changes notice for the tax year 2011, showing a discrepancy between what I reported on my tax return and the total reported to you on the 1099-K form from PayPal.

The amount reported to you by PayPal was $#####. The amount reported to you by [redacted] was $#####. As an independent contractor, I was paid by [redacted] through PayPal, so that [redacted] money is being double-reported as PayPal money. That’s $##### – $#####, which is a difference of $#####.

I have a long-term partner. Her name is ****** *******. Her social security number is ###-##-####. In 2011, she also worked for [redacted], and, during that period, her payments were also going to my PayPal account, because we simply didn’t know that it would end up being such an issue. (We have since remedied this situation to make the lives of all involved parties easier.) The total that she earned in 2011 from [redacted] was $#####. That’s $##### – $#####, which is a difference of $169.

We have already paid taxes on this income, as Shawna filed her own tax return in accordance with the law.

I see now that there is a discrepancy between the reported and actual earnings reported by PayPal, but it is a $169 discrepancy, not a nearly $40,000 discrepancy. If need be, please send me a Summary of Proposed Changes for my apparent clerical error of $169, but I do ask you not to expect $11,000 in extra taxes from me, because I am a middle-class working stiff and a wannabe full-time artist, and coming up with $11,000 would be like pulling diamonds from the wind.

I appreciate your hard work on behalf of the American people. You see, unlike some, I’m not confused by what taxes do, and, personally, I like having roads without holes, bridges that work, and that one police officer who once pulled my girlfriend over just to remove the plastic bag that was stuck to the car’s undercarriage. I would like the option of getting married, not to have to pay two application fees every time we change apartments, and a sense of security that, should I ever have to go into a hospital, my relationship will be given the respect it deserves, but none of those are your department.

So, here is my amendment of your amendment.

Wouldn’t this have been so much simpler if we could have filed our taxes jointly?

With all due respect,

Riley LaShea, Gay American