Subtext Recap: Once Upon a Time 3.2 – Lost Girl

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Emma and Regina Bicker and Stand Near Each Other Looking Sexy


Regardless of the fact that Pan has had more to do in the first two episodes than most of the core cast, I am still liking this team-search for Henry thing. Seriously, Emma and Regina are just like ALWAYS around each other.

So, after a hike through the forest, they discover that Hook led them wrong. Or so says Charming. But didn’t Charming actually declare which way they should go in direct opposition to what Hook said? Because he did.

With too far to go through the scary dark forest, they make camp with an incredible amount of equipment for their tiny amount of baggage. Ah, the magic of TV.

Awakened in the night by the sound of childrens, Emma goes wandering about alone in her tough-girl tank top and makes Pan’s acquaintance. Giving her a map, Pan tells her she’ll only be able to read it when she stops denying who she really is.

Back at camp, everyone is awake and some bickering ensues. It’s a trap, there’s nothing on there, and so on. So, Emma’s all “If I just stop denying who I really am… whatever that means.”

Regina, who is fairly certain Emma is not going to confess her undying love for her in front of Hook and her parents, wants to magic the shiz.

Emma. Regina.

Bicker. Bicker.

Love. Love.

And the entire episode is a giant fuckin’ analogy.

So, everyone looks on as Emma thinks to herself ‘Who is Emma?’

“Don’t hold anything back,” Mary Margaret says.

“I am… I am… I am…” Emma fills in the blanks, and sees herself as a total bore, apparently.

And Regina’s all “Are we really doing this?” because she doesn’t want to come out as a couple to Emma’s parents in the middle of Neverland. She had a big event planned with apples and crypts and Snow’s beheading. It was going to be drunken and fantastic.

“Don’t you think you’re leaving some things out?” Mary Margaret asks.

So, Emma launches into her Enchanted Forest background and how she was sent through a portal to break a curse, and Regina looks all ‘Great. Bring that up’ and pouts sexily by a tree.

“And you were able to break the curse, because you’re the…” Charming encourages.

“Come on, you don’t need to be embarrassed to say it,” Mary Margaret adds.

“Say what?” Hook wants to know.

“The ‘S’ word,” Regina says directly to Emma, like come the fuck on.

So, Emma says she’s the savior and Regina steps forward all dark and sexy to watch Emma’s white magic flow like its own unique sexiness. Then, you know, nothing.

“I don’t get it. I said I’m the savior,” Emma declares. “There is nothing I’ve denied more than that.”


Anyway, Regina grabs that silly map, and Emma says “Regina!”, but kind of looks all help me as she stares at her with puppy eyes and watches her woman do some fine ass magic. As the map floats off into bad news territory, Regina steps up at Emma’s back. “Well, Emma,” she says. “You said you wanted to be the leader. Lead.” Of course, cut to the trek through the forest and Regina is right next to her, and then kind of in front of her, because she wasn’t about to actually let that biz happen.

“Ready to thank me?” she asks.

“Actually, yeah,” Emma says.

And Regina smiles as she makes a mental list of all the ways in which Emma can prove her gratitude with her tongue.

So, they get where they’re going and it’s bad form, of course, to break Pan’s rules, which means a fight. Which is excellent solely because Regina looks like she’s going good old-fashioned fisticuffs on the lost boys. And not so excellent, because Regina can’t ALWAYS be the one fucking up. It’s lame.

After staring into the face of one little boy lost, Emma realizes that’s who she really is, an orphan. Something I don’t think she’s ever denied, but we’ll roll with it.

So, as they form their plan, Emma declares, “It’s time we stop playing his game and he starts playing ours.”

To which Regina responds, “And if I disagree?

“Go ahead,” Emma quietly whispers her appeal to Regina, who is like right there. “But I think you know our best chance is together.”

 Say whah now, Emma? You done be sweet-talkin’ your boo.

On a side note, Disney, I beseech you to stop making the writers mention your movies. You already have a group of creators who were willing to say that you allowed them to “use” the characters when they know goddamn good and well those characters you so sweetly “gave” them are in public domain. Except, of course, when you insist they dress like the characters in your movies and use the names you created for characters who existed centuries before Mickey Mouse.

But I’m certain it’s only a coincidence that Once is bringing on all the major characters from the Little Mermaid this season, and pimping their inclusion hard, while at the same time y’all happen to be releasing the movie from the Disney vault.

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