Subtext Recap: Once Upon a Time 3.19 – A Curious Thing

Call me an unabashed lesbian, but does anyone else notice how, when there are multiple people filling a scene, Emma, Regina, Henry and even the Charmings look like a straight-up family, while everyone else kind of just look like bystanders?

So, realizing how much Emma, Regina and Henry are going to, once again, look like an adorable little family unit by episode’s end, A Curious Thing commenced with completely non-sexual-utterly-innocent-and-beautiful-loving-nurturing-good-by-nature heterosexual affection so they could show just how happy it makes Regina.

Just to be clear, again, this is in no way a complaint about hetero love. I like Rumpel and Belle. Hell, sometimes I even like Snow and Charming. I do not, however, hold with totally forced, weakly-written, uncharacteristic relationships for the sole purpose of having “romantic” relationships on the show. I put romantic in quotes, because, while there have been some truly nice moments between Snow and Charming and Rumpel and Belle, Emma and Regina have been done no favors with any of their love interests.

Let’s see, Neal left Emma to prison because it was the right thing to do. Fair enough.

Upon finding out about the curse being broken, he still stayed away, stayed with his fiancee, and, once she was outed as a psycho, pretty much just decided Emma and Henry was his family and he would have them back. And while Emma was resistant, Mama Snow decided Emma had to give Neal a chance.

Then, there was Hook, who double-crossed Emma, expected payment for his “heroism,” came through the door of Emma’s apartment and kissed her with full knowledge she didn’t know who he was, started hitting on her again the second Neal’s body was in the ground, and watched her from across the street. I know I already mentioned this, but it was f’in’ creepy, so bears repeating.

How about when the Mad Hatter held Emma hostage, and a whole fan group arose for their pairing, thinking Emma and her captor would make a great couple just because the dude was hot?

I swear, this show often feels like there should be a PSA at the end of each episode for impressionable young women. ‘This is not the kind of relationship you should have. If this is the kind of relationship you have, get away if you are not tied up and call for help.’

I mean, by all standards, Robin Hood is actually a nice change of pace as a love interest, because he hasn’t done anything overtly creepy, possessive, or otherwise disturbing.

However, other than dropping the phrase “soul mates” into the mix, and the painfully forced scenario of Robin Hood keeping Regina’s heart, there has really been nothing resembling romance in the Regina-Robin Hood dynamic either.

Oh yes, and this is a great place to drop in the reminder that this entire Regina-Robin relationship has taken place while Regina’s heart is outside of her body, in the clutches of her evil sister.

NOT romantic.

Also, this episode was pivotal in reminding us all of the fact that the Once team sometimes just stops trying.

The book? Really? And not just the book itself, because, drawn out over a couple of episodes, I could have almost bought that. But the book just appears when needed? That is so lazy.

They had so many options here:

Henry could have stumbled upon the book on his own and started thinking the fairy tales were real again before he knew for sure, and thought he was going crazy until the curse broke.

They could have rebuilt his old castle, or a makeshift copy of it, and someone could have gotten him to play and start pretending and believing in the make-believe and he could have started to remember.

So many unique things that could have been done, and again with the repetition. That is what I have a hard time forgiving with this show. They so often take the easy path when it has such potential.

Now that I’m done complaining, but, honestly, this episode warranted complaint, I did appreciate how Emma and Regina looked like a bickering married couple during this exchange.

Emma: That’s not necessarily a gift. He’s been through some tough stuff.

Regina: And some good stuff.

I appreciated less that murder only counts sometimes, and that Snow White’s blackened heart has clearly healed, since Snow White is pure enough to walk through a door that keeps Regina out.

Also, since Zelena is turning people into flying monkeys, and we are reminded of this with Phillip and Aurora in this very episode, how many Storybrooke residents did our band of heroes just off?

Anyway, Henry remembers, Emma looks to Regina, Regina encourages Emma to break the curse, and Emma leans in to kiss Henry on the forehead with Regina right behind him. Now, see the missed opportunity here? This could have been everything. I mean, given the feel of the scene, Emma falling onto Regina’s lips would have been slightly uncomfortable. But as much as this crew likes to keep the fans of all potential ‘ships hanging on, would it have killed them to have Emma stumble into Regina and them turn toward Zelena holding onto each other? It would even have made sense. Physics, momentum.

It’s not like they would have had to follow through with it. Just ask Warehouse 13.

Also, could they please stop sidelining Regina with simple moves? She’s the evil fucking queen. She rips people’s hearts out, she crushes them, she killed her own father. So, could we please stop flinging her aside with the wave of someone’s hand?

So, Emma instinctively magics Zelena away from Henry, and, when the witch is gone, Henry gets Regina to wake up, and she breaks the curse by kissing him on the forehead exactly the same way Emma did at the end of season one. Which isn’t at all surprising, though a new idea injected somewhere in here would have certainly come as surprise.

Zelena’s weakness is light magic, that’s the take away. Which is why Emma is the only one who can defeat her. Though, I suspect Regina will find her light side.

Now, the moment of truth.

I was actually benefit-of-the-doubting Once on this whole Robin Hood thing. Since Regina has been so ridiculously out of character with him, to the point of trusting him with her heart, I thought there MUST be a reason. What we were going to discover, I was certain, in those missing-year flashbacks, was that Regina fell in love with Robin Hood, and, though she couldn’t remember that, it was why she felt such an undeniable pull toward him once back in Storybrooke.

Once answered my belief with a resounding, “Wow, we hated each other back in the Enchanted Forest, no?”

“You’re just so much more likable here.”

Hey, the book can just appear!

Hey, we’re just soul mates!

Hey, soul mates do not spend a year together doing nothing but disliking each other! If they do, they’re not soul mates.