Riley LaShea and the Case of the TMI SUV

Some peoples recently got married in this neighborhood. Two of them, I assume, since society really likes its rules about marriage, and for some reason it makes sense to people to have two adults max in the majority of households, though sense says more people means more income, less work, and abundant lovin’.

I know this marriage took place thanks to the Just Married SUV parked in a driveway on the nearest cross street.

“Just Married,” of course, is splashed across the back window in that inconspicuous way of wedding celebration. Tin cans tied to your bumper, anyone?

The other day, returning from an excursion, I noticed the passenger-side window –

We’re in love.

Seemed a bit redundant to me. Unless, of course, somebody’s daddy needed help ruling the masses and arranged a marriage with the head of an influential family so they could create a power alliance. In that case, I suspect love was a real bonus.

Today, approaching the car from the opposite direction, I finally saw the message on the driver-side window.

Time to consumate [sic] 🙂

As far as I can tell, the SUV hasn’t moved since it was parked there. That was days ago. So, to steal a line from the classic DJ-masturbation episode of Roseanne, either they’re really, really good at it… or they’re really, really bad at it.

Or the key is stuck in someone’s chastity belt.