7 Things: And Seven Movies Even a Hottie Couldn’t Save – Intro

I confess, I have intentionally viewed and sat through the entirety of multiple terrible movies in the name of hottiedom. Or to watch my favorite actresses. Two lists that, perhaps surprisingly, don’t overlap all that much for me. Though it does happen occasionally.

Anyway, this list of seven things has a couple of rules.

Rule 1 – I had to have watched the movie solely because there was a hottie in it. I can’t include any movie that I would have intentionally elected to see even if it were hottie-deficient.

Rule 2 – The hottie on the list can’t be more favorite actress than hottie. She has to come in at at least 50/50. 50-percent love for being a hottie. 50-percent love for being one of my favorite actresses. That means, despite being completely easy on the eyes, Dina Meyer, Wendy Crewson and Leslie Bibb are off-limits. I love them so much acting-wise, you see, that I have difficulty objectifying them. Though that happens occasionally too. Mostly with Wendy.

Rule 3 – The movie has to be bad enough to truly belong on a worst movies list.

Bearing these rules in mind, I must give an honorary mention to Nine, because it doesn’t meet the above criteria. It does have hotties in it – for me, Penélope Cruz and Sophia Loren – and none of them are on my favorite actress list, so it does meet Rule 2. I would have seen it anyway, though, so it fails to meet Rule 1.

As for Rule 3, I found Nine so painful that I started fast-forwarding within the first ten minutes, despite scantily-clad Penélope Cruz writhing about. Then, I stopped at every obvious singing part until I finally found “Unusual Way” and discovered that they had allowed Nicole Kidman to sing it. And it was fucking tragic.


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