I actually planned to get a fanfic done today. No, really, I swear it. But do you know those days when you think that you are going to do this and this and this and then random, ridiculous shit keeps popping up to fuck with you?

Well, that was today.

And yesterday too actually, now that I think about it.

Anyway, my favorite part of today was carrying pans of water from the kitchen sink to the toilet because the sink suddenly refused to drain. And I didn’t realize it at first, so, by the time I did, it was half full and there were bits of vegetables and other food debris floating all up in the water. Ah, there’s nothing quite like seeing small bits of food in your toilet to remind you of the colorful beauty of throwing up. I had to get the last of the water with a 1 tsp measuring spoon. It was quite the time-consuming process.

After the water was finally drained, I did the famous baking soda/vinegar volcano and immediately plugged up the sink with the stopper. Then I waited. And nothing changed. That’s when I knew that it was gonna get gross.

So I put a pan under the pipes and undid the bottom U-shaped part, which was unfortunately clear. Then, I undid the part above it that was coming down from the drain and – Voila! – nasty water splashed out all over me in a rather successful way… much like a coach getting doused with Gatorade. And it was there I found the problems.

Problem 1 – The pipe in our drain is one of those plastic pipes where one side is blocked, leaving about a half an inch of space for the water to flow through and making it easy for even small pieces of food to get stuck.

Problem 2 – The measuring spoon that somehow slipped down the drain and was lodged in that area… with food stuck atop it.

Oops.

Anyway, I fixed it, which reminded me of the fact that I don’t need some guy around to fix stuff for me. And also of how much I wish I had one of my guys around to fix stuff for me. I mean, my nephew eats salt and vinegar grasshoppers ferchrissakes! Digging around in the filth of my kitchen sink drain really ought to turn his crank.

He just turned 15, by the way, my nephew. Unreal.

I get at least 2 butch points for the sink thing, I think, cause it was plumbing and it was, you know, gross. Anyone who read the entire thing without throwing up in their mouth gets half a butch point. I also put together a whole truckload of furniture this past week. Of course, I would have used a couple of my boys if they’d been around then too. They all think they’re tough, so while they were busy flexing for each other, I could have just dropped a screwdriver in each of their hands.

On a different note, flying is about to become even more fun.

Because, despite the recent plane bomb scare, people are still going to do stupid silly things to pass their time. And now, when they do, the flight crew is going to panic. But, then, we all know that Gilligan’s Island was really about terrorism.

Also, a word to those “I don’t care what they have to do to the passengers, just keep me safe on the plane” people. The TSA would like to thank you for giving them full access to your bodies. Now, they ask the same generous complacency while they sift through your minds.