April 28th, 2008 Riley
I am, what you could call, a very healthy eater. I’m not a vegetarian or anything, but I eat almost exclusively beneficial stuff. I love my fruits and veggies and whole grains. I take my vitamins. When it comes to foodstuffs, I really am a good little munchkin.
This morning, I made my coffee (okay, so there is that flagrant weakness). I drank my first cup while contemplating the notion of food. Then, while I was on cup two, I ate a massive rice krispie treat and two pieces of chocolate.
One of these things I can justify. You see, I woke up with a colossal headache that was absolutely rife with migraine potential. I have found, for me, that there are only two natural substances with the ability to stave off migraine. One is coffee. I know, I know, Little Miss Healthy proclaiming the powers of caffeine-laden, nutrition-light coffee again. That’s right I am. It does have antioxidants, so there. The other? Dark chocolate. Awesome huh? Not only does it taste great. It has migraine-fighting power.
As far as the rice krispie treat goes, my excuse is somewhat flimsier. My girlfriend was eating a rice krispie treat for breakfast. (She is not quite the healthy eater that I am. The other day she went to the store alone, and, after telling me that she purchased Butterfingers, Hot Tamales, AND chocolate covered almonds, actually disagreed with me when I said that she’d bought a lot of candy… and I think she was sort of half-serious). I was envious of her 7:30 in the a.m. dessert and decided that I too should consume a rice krispie treat and refer to it as “breakfast”.
To make a long story short (Too late!), I am now sitting here with a stomach that is unstable to say the least, and it is all of my own making.
Though I can happily report that my head does feel better.
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April 7th, 2008 Riley
I have been moved. On Friday, the quasi-supervisor lately overheard my cubicle neighbor and I having a conversation. We got a slight reprimanding at the time, a “Why aren’t you two working?” It wasn’t that the conversation was inappropriate. Or maybe it was. Some people might find The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air the epitome of workplace naughtiness. (We discussed the episode where Will got shot for a good five minutes.)
When things like this occur, I am always brought back around to the same question… Why don’t these people just fire me? This is clearly a reprimand for being on the receiving end of conversation. Why bother? I’m a temp. I’m a completely disposable employee. Why are they trying to salvage this? I wish I had a theory, but here’s why I can’t come up with a thing.
- I haven’t made any friends here. I talk to a couple of people when I see them, but it’s not like we hang out after work or call each other on weekends. So, who is pulling for me?
- My boss is gay. I’m pretty sure. So, clearly, there are no Secretary-ish S&M fantasies of which I am unaware.
- I do the bare minimum. Seriously. I even keep track. As soon as I was told my weekly quota, I sat out to do exactly that amount and not an iota more. It’s how I give back exactly what I am getting paid to give.
It’s not like I don’t need the job, or at least the money. It’s just like, what’s the deal?
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April 2nd, 2008 Riley
Dear Diary-
Does everyone have days like this?
You get up. You shower or you don’t shower, whatever your own take is on personal hygiene. You go to the mirror, wipe away the steam, peek in, and you think…
“Oh my God, is that my face? Am I really that pasty? Why am I breaking out like a fourteen-year-old? And, what’s with the eyes? Am I trying to pack for Hawaii in those bags? How old am I again? BOTOX!”
Maybe it’s just me.
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April 2nd, 2008 Riley
So, I called in on Friday and spent the weekend in NYC. I wish that I could say it was just that spur of the moment, but it wasn’t. It was a planned trip. It was just easier to call in than ask off. On said trip, I saw some things I expected to see and some things I didn’t expect to see.
Things I expected to see:
1. Joanna Gleason in Something You Did - And she showed up! Finally! Sadly, it was a drama, which meant no strikingly funny deliveries, though there were a few humorous lines. She was so excellent though. Damn.
2. Sarah Paulson in Crimes of the Heart - She was so good in this. She was so good in The Glass Menagerie when I saw it. She’s good in everything, but I think I like her better on stage. She did, however, get me all confused again, because she was my original choice to play Adriana in my Best Women movie and now I’m regretting my premature and dream-life only recast.
3. Backseat - Short-term showing of the film at one theater. People kept doing double-takes to see if they knew us, because we were the only people there that weren’t part of the in-crowd. It was one of those times when you are the only people in the theater other than friends of the cast and crew, and they kind of cock their heads with that “do I know you?” look. No, you don’t know me. Sorry to intrude on the party. I’m just here to see Aubrey Dollar on this very small “big screen”.
Things I didn’t expect to see:
1. A dead bear cub on the side of the road. No lie. It had a really shiny fur coat. It was terribly sad. It was a bear! A bear! Jersey… of course.
2. A six-legged cow. I shit you not. Unless I was totally delirious, and I’d had plenty of coffee that morning so I doubt it, I saw a six-legged cow in a field. I stared at this cow for a long time, just to be sure, and I’d like to note that it retained its six legs the entire time I was looking at it. It wasn’t like a glance where I looked away and came back and they were gone. The F’in cow had six legs! Six legs the whole time! I swear on everything that is good and holy here people.
3. Christian Bale - I am only 95% certain on this. While I find him a fabulous actor and count Newsies as a favorite film, the real joy in this is that he is the object of the obsessive celebrity lust of my BFF and relaying the story to her was infintiely enjoyable. No word yet on whether she took a header into her computer monitor as a result of this information.
So, that’s all I know about that. Now answer me this.
Am I the only person for whom getting to work on time is an absolute impossibility? I try to, I really do, but anything less than six minutes late is something I am incapable of making happen. It’s unreal. Seriously.
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March 14th, 2008 Riley
I’m Irish!
Okay, so I’m only partially Irish, but I do have some Irish in me. I’m not just soliciting kisses without any excuse at all.
So, the other night, I was talking at the same time that I was dialing up my brother. When he answered the phone, I just happened to be finishing my thought. He got this.
“…alcoholic waiting to happen, isn’t it?”
And he was like, “Was that meant for me?” It wasn’t, but I found myself humorous, so I repeated it for him anyway.
“I’m half Irish and half German. That’s like an alcoholic waiting to happen, isn’t it?”
(No, it’s not exactly half and half. I’ve taken some creative liberty here. But it’s mostly accurate.)
So, then he responded, “Don’t worry. The way I figure it, your world domination German side combined with your lazy Irish side should leave you on a pretty even keel.”
There is a noticeable smattering of stereotyping in there, but I still thought that it was funny.
Posted in just me | 1 Comment »
March 11th, 2008 Riley
Last night’s yoga offered a stark reminder of something that has been true my entire life. I am not flexible. At all. Even when I was a little kid I wasn’t. At like six, I was the only one in my gymnastics class who couldn’t do a backbend. It was every bit as agonizing as it sounds.
So, because I’m feeling insecure in my abilities today, I want to share with everyone something that I excel in.
Coffee drinking.
I drink coffee like a seasoned pro. I could survive Seattle. I’m just that good. Of course, in my family, that doesn’t make me particularly special. I come from a long line of coffee-consuming specialists. In fact, if we had a drink off, I’m almost certain that I would lose to my Mom and sister.
Balls.
Now I’m depressed again.
Posted in just me | 2 Comments »
February 28th, 2008 Riley
Next to voting Hillary into office, this is the most important election you can take part in this year!
I did this video for a cell phone product to make some quick cash, but it is also a contest in which I can win one of three nice prizes, the top one being a MacBook… which I need like oxygen right now. Do the right thing and vote me into a MacBook!
This is the link straight to my video: http://bix.yahoo.com/entry/221862
Sadly, it’s not quite as simple as going there and checking “yes, I want this video to win, because it rocks my world”. There is some work involved.
To vote:
Click the view and vote button on the right hand side of the screen.
This will take you to a face off page, on which two videos will play opposite each other and you have to choose which one you like the best. My video will almost definitely NOT come up first. You’ll have to keep voting until you get to me. That’s the work part.
Then, when you get to my video, just pick me as often as I come up. It’s kind of a weird system, so just because you pick my video doesn’t mean I’ll stay on the screen. But the longer you vote and the more often you pick me, the more it will help. I’m doing pretty well in the contest, but I need a last push to take the top prize. I’m like Hillary… with better jewelry.
And don’t vote for the guy who is wearing the safari hat outside in his video or the swedish chef kid. They are the enemy!!! A vote for one of them is like a vote for George Bush to stay in office for another eight years. Think about it.
The contest ends tomorrow, February 29th, so, if you can find the time, please, please go vote for me. Oh, and if you can find a few extra bucks, go send my homegirl some money. (”Bitch is the new black.” -Tina Fey)
Feel free to forward this email to every person you know who has nothing better to do than to vote me into a MacBook.
God speed.
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February 8th, 2008 Riley
Here I go again, thinking that I’m a big girl now, and then reminding myself that I’m not.
At my last job, I purchased some big girl sippy cups, because I needed a cup with a lid for my desk, because open cups collect dirt and debris, and I haven’t liked eating or drinking dirt and debris since I was a toddler. Though, if truth be told, there are a few special food items that I find so worthy of saving that, if I were to drop them on the dirtiest of dirty floors, I would do everything within my power to salvage them. This leads me to believe that there may be some instances in which I could eat dirt and debris by choice. But floating atop my water? Not in general. If it were Smart water? Maybe. Dragonfruit vitamin water. Indubitably.
I admit, those sippy cups weren’t just for purposes of blocking settling dust, though. They had the added bonus of preventing spills, which I had experienced several of at that job, so many that I realized I was going to spill my way into a pink slip. It was a paperwork job, and, for some reason, I don’t think they looked too kindly on me, the girl who kept spilling water all over that paperwork. The most intriguing part of this is, I’m not particularly clumsy. I’m just constantly preoccupied. Clearly, those two things have similar outcomes.
Then again, the most intriguing part may actually be, when I say big girl sippy cups, I don’t mean like to-go coffee mugs or insulated cups with lids from office supply stores. I’m talking about actual big girl sippy cups, the ones made for bigger little kids, like four-year-olds who like a little more drink than their two-year-old counterparts, but are still likely to spill it all over themselves. These sippy cups have Dora the Explorer on them. No lie.
So, after my moments ago spillage of water all over my already filled out time sheet, which I then had to throw away and fill out again, I’ve realized my big girl sippy cup days are not behind me.
Prepare yourself, Dora, you are coming out of retirement.
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January 31st, 2008 Riley
I’ve heard a lot of talk during this presidential campaign regarding the economy, healthcare, and the war. I have yet to hear any candidate mention a very important dilemma that I have become aware of during my temporary internment in this place of employment.
As part of my daily duties, some of which I actually do, I am supposed to assist in opening the mail. I do not enjoy this job, as it is time-consuming and it’s considerably harder to pretend to work while actually writing when you have a bunch of unopened envelopes on your desk.
But I digress. The issue is thus…
In that mail, there are often envelopes from the VA. Within these envelopes are usually a hundred or so claims with EOBs and nary a staple in sight. This means that I have to pair claim and EOB and staple it for them.
So, which candidate will it be?
Who will have the guts?
While I have affection for one candidate, I declare now that I will vote for whoever first says that she or he will allocate money to send the VA some fucking staplers!
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January 24th, 2008 Riley
I am still not well, but I am quite a bit better. I can sit up. I can walk up stairs without feeling as if I have run a marathon. I can even sleep… sort of. I am back at work, and, much more importantly, back to working on fan fic and more.
Sadly, I have to move this weekend, so that will also slow me up. Grr. Why does everything always have to happen at once?
Anyway, I have started a new story. It’s a little lighter, and I will be posting them simultaneously. We needn’t all fall into despair.
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