Is everyone up on the airport body scanner debate? If not, I present you with a brief recap.

- TSA decides that full body scanners will keep us safe from terrorists

- The ACLU and others who care about those pesky little civil liberties are all like, “Whazzat? You can’t be looking at my treasures on the big screen.”

- TSA and people who never fly, but are vocal nonetheless, are like “The person who looks at the pictures is in the next room. They won’t even know they are your treasures.”

- ACLU and friends go “Wait. Can that machine record images?”

- TSA is like “What? We wouldn’t do that! What do you think we are, perverts who get off on naked body images?”

- Documents ordering  full body scanners, and overseen by the TSA, plainly state that the machines must be able to record and save images

- The sneaky Internets get their hands on said documents and are like, “We knew it. You lie and your acronym is stupid!”

- ACLU argues “You can’t take naked images of people without their consent.”

- TSA gets all snippy and is like, “The machines can record, but they aren’t going to record. That feature is turned off.”

- ACLU gets all logical and says, “Then why do they even have ability to record?”

- TSA says, “Shut up and put your shoes in the bin!”

The final outcome?

The Feds admit to storing naked body images.

Bet you wouldn’t have minded paying your taxes so much if you knew the money would fund porn! But, wait, don’t porn stars get paid? And don’t they get to decide whether or not they want to get naked in front of the camera?

Now, your government, and the brilliant scientists who work for them want you to know that 3/4 of the oil from the Gulf oil spill has magically disappeared.

Amazing!

It’s like David Blaine levitating on the sidewalk.

And then this guy comes along and kicks the air right out from under him. Bam. You’re going down Blaine! You’re not a real magician anyway.