That title is zealous, not redundant.

Anyway, a lot of sadness is happening in the world. Haiti is a mess. A lot of people are suffering. It’s truly tragic. The musical performances on tonight’s telethon, however, not tragic at all. And all iTunes sales of said performances go to Haiti as well. Yours truly is downloading Madonna (Like a Prayer! Big choir! Squeeeee!), Jennifer Hudson, Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris, and Shakira. But that’s just what I think sounded awesome. Of course, I’m a bit naturally-prone to Madonna and Shakira worship, so it’s possible only Jennifer Hudson’s phenomenal Let It Be and the melodious boy duet were true standouts.

We actually just listened to the Shakira She Wolf CD last night and, including tonight’s telethon performance, I have heard exactly two recent songs that I’ve liked from her. Which is upsetting. Oral Fixation Vol. 2 was awesome and that was before they felt the need to do a re-release with Hips Don’t Lie on it. Disappointing concert tour though. But I’m over it.

I’m sure everyone has seen Sarah Palin’s mother-daughter photo op with her daughter Bristol and their babies. If not, you can revel in its splendor here. Does anyone else feel that this cover just reeks of class? Anyway, Bristol has declared that she won’t have sex until she’s married – uh, too late on that maybe? – and wants to promote safe sex and abstinence. Uh, too hypocritical maybe? Not to mention, what is it with these people who regret  getting knocked up as teenagers turning around and preaching abstinence as the only alternative? Because, regardless of what they may want to believe, there are teenagers who know how to use birth control, beat those 3% ‘oopsie’ odds and don’t end up pregnant. I’m not saying that most teenagers are ready for sex, but few of them are wired for abstinence and NONE of them are ready for babies. Better safe than celibate.

And, Honey, while living at home with your Mommy and Daddy and raising your kid without his Playgirl father is technically being a single mom, I doubt very seriously that you are doing most of the providing, so quit your fucking whining.

The other night I was up really late and what was playing on my background TV turned, without my consent, into one of those car chase shows. I found myself absolutely captivated. On the screen, an SUV was leading a police car in a chase, down sidewalks, through gates, hazard lights flashing the entire time. Perhaps a blinking indicator of where you are isn’t the best way to escape someone, but safety first.

And speaking of car safety, mine totally isn’t. When we did our mini-groupie trip back in October and November, there was this fun moment when the glove compartment fell out of the dash and landed on my knees. Completely out of the dash. It was funny once we got it back in. Not so much while I was balancing it on my patellas. Just last week, the gas gauge stopped working and, today, the speedometer decided to go whack. But, on the plus side, 35 miles per hour has never felt so fast.

If anyone hasn’t read Maureen Dowd’s Op-Ed from January 16′s New York Times, you should. I meant to post it a few days ago, but here it is now. Quite a few nice snippets inside.

And if your password for anything is 12345 or password, you are far from alone… and you should probably change it to something that’s a little less, you know, popular.