That’s right, it’s a two-fer. Two posts, one night. I am legend.

From time to time, I consider the possibility that I should just return to a regular workplace and get used to being someone’s bitch. Because, while it may be painful to bend over and offer your ass up to the world and its executives, it takes far less effort than popping someone in the nose and making a run for it.

But, unfortunately, I have an office allergy, developed over time due to prolonged exposure to stupidity and pettiness.

For instance, I happened upon this small exchange I had a few years ago at a job I hated (<— redundant). Just a little note I took down to remind myself to try really hard or risk suffering a scratchy throat and rash for the rest of my life.

Caller: Riley?
Me: Yes?
Caller: I got your papers you faxed yesterday saying that you haven’t received these confirmations.
Me: Mm hm.
Caller: Well I’ve got news for you. I faxed them back on the first.
Me: Okay.
Caller: You didn’t get them?
Me: No.
Caller: Well, I’ve got the transmission result right here saying that it went through. Is your fax number 771-0062?
Me: That’s one of them.
Caller: Well, that’s what I faxed it to and it went through. It took 44 seconds to transmit.
Me: Okay.
Caller: What’s going on over there?
Me: I don’t know.
Caller: Someone’s buzzing me. Well, I’m going to fax them again, but it has to be on your end.
Me: Okay.

This is an office.

I must sell a screenplay. I must sell a screenplay.