I should know by now not to read anything that anyone comments anywhere online. It’s just asking to bang your head into a table repeatedly and pray for some higher power to realize that pretty much any other species on Earth deserves to be moved to the top of the food chain. Of course, if we just admit that bulk manufactured weapons are cheating and share our habitat with all other species, the human problem will work itself out.

Anyway, I saw one particular comment today that I thought needed to be both shared and dissected. It’s not the opinion that matters to me. If Adam Lambert’s performance at the AMAs sent the morality alarms of many people into a screech, that’s just the way it is and they can coddle themselves all that they want. It’s just always so interesting to me the way that some people choose to express themselves.

Actual Comment: “If they want to start a gay channel then they can kiss and rub on each other all they want but when you are on a regular network where anybody can see it then there has to be standards. I don’t care about the “what time its shown” or the “kids aren’t watching” stuff either. Lots of adults are offended by that crap and I am one of them. As far as networks are concerned, its moms and kids that advertisers what to appeal to the most. If you doubt it, tell me how many times you see ads for whips and chains. The gays will lose this argument because if networks want to show this stuff they will lose sponsors. The money rules. So just deal with that.”

1. Be informed. Gay channels exist.
2. Be proactive. Reality television and Family Guy undermine your “standards” argument. Start petitioning networks immediately to create better programming.
3. Be concise. This line in particular “I don’t care about the “what time its shown” or the “kids aren’t watching” stuff either.” is unnecessary and just disrupts the flow of your argument. Also, I am technically a kid, as I have parents. Most people have parents. This makes the point too inclusive to be useful or true.
4. Be specific. What crap exactly? There’s simply too much to sift through on our own. You would be a terrible lab partner.
5. Be accurate. Adults between the ages of 18 and 49 are the key demographic for advertisers, not mothers and their cubs.
6. Be cautious. Your whips and chains argument, as it now reads, seems to say that, if not for children and mothers, whips and chains would be like a plague upon the land. Do you really want to infect your father or husband with such a fetish?
7. Be nice. While the word “gays” as used here has a definite air of insult, it’s not nearly as insulting as the word “they.” Sharing a sexuality does not make you a unit. I know quite a few heteros, for instance, who would not want to be lumped into a group with you.
8. Be grammatical. Punctuation. It’s not just for English teachers anymore.

Also, way to go CBS for blurring the image of Adam’s kiss with the keyboardist, but not blurring the Madonna/Britney kiss. I have words, but this isn’t the venue.

And because I don’t want to always be bitchin’-

This year I am thankful that:

I got to enjoy Otalia before the whole thing went to hell.

I got to visit Ireland again and spend two hours with Andrea Corr standing about a foot away from me.

I met Redhead, Jill Hennessy and Angel.

I was introduced to Steamboat Springs.

I got a comment from Caitlin Keats.

I won a prize in a screenplay contest.

I was able to communicate in Italian, even if only a teeny bit.

I finally saw Navi Rawat get kissy-face with a girl.

There are a few other things as well. Let’s just hope they all last.

And now, as those crazy Catholics say -

Peace be with you, my peeps.