So in one of her comic bits, Suzanne Westenhoefer tells the tale of how she killed a big spider with hairspray. The punchline is “What does that say about me?”

I had one of those moments.

You see, I’m the put-shit-together person in my relationship, the lift-heavy-objects person and the open-tight-lids person. I am also the cook ninety percent of the time. So, I already feel a little confused.

And now this apartment, like every other apartment in the history of the world, didn’t come with enough towel racks. So we bought a rack at Bed Bath & Beyond. It wasn’t until we got the rack home that we discovered the installation didn’t just require a standard screwdriver, but one of those itty bitty flatheads as well. Which we don’t have. So I was forced to improvise. I finally got the rack up using the tools from a manicure kit. And I’ve been disoriented ever since.