So, I’ve been wanting to check in with all of you people, but I feel like I haven’t had a single original thought since we’ve been home. Tragic, isn’t it? I also wasn’t quite sure how I could possibly follow up after Redhead. I also meant to respond to all of the comments on my Redhead post. Fear not, I have done so now. I apologize for my rather characteristic tardiness.

Anyway, I’m still kicking… though a little slower and less enthusiastically. I experienced a pretty major disappointment immediately upon returning from our trip, which wasn’t unexpected but is still pretty tough to endure. No matter how many times one fails, it seems we never really get used to it. Apparently, I was destined to be a case study in the phenomenon. So, I’m a little downtrodden, which always makes it rather difficult for me to write… not that any of your were holding out for new fan fic anytime soon I suspect. I’ve become so weak on that front, I’m considering bringing in a ghostwriter to finish up the stories already in progress.

Today has been a rather craptastic day. It started out alright. I thought I was going to get a lot done. I did some writing for money (fucking lame) first thing this morning and I actually made time to exercise. Then I almost took a tumble through the glass shower door and it all went downhill from there. I think, for the rest of the day, my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of giant shards of glass sticking out of all of my sensitive parts. There can’t be too many things worse than getting seriously injured while in the shower. I am so not a nudist.

Just a few minutes ago, the hopeless debacle that was me today took another dangerous turn when I had to reach for something that had fallen from the rack inside the dishwasher and got my arm stuck. Sometimes do you ever just think, “Man I am going to die a bizarre and embarrassing death”? Yeah, I know. Cheery, right?

On the plus side, I did eat the universe’s most succulent nectarine today. We picked it up as we were leaving San Francisco at the fruit stand on the wharf. (BTW… stopping in San Francisco, not one of our greatest ideas. We spent so much time getting back out of the city that our six hour drive took nine hours.) The organic fruit was all outrageously priced. I’m pretty sure these nectarines were like $6 each or something. But today I ate my first… Holy hell, I took one bite and ended up writhing in ecstasy on the floor, moaning my own name.

Speaking of spontaneous orgasm… has anyone had Odwalla Mango Tango? And if so, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?!? That stuff is like liquid pleasure.

And now onto liquid anti-pleasure…

Wine drinkers, could you please lend me your expertise for just a moment? I have tasted numerous wines and, well, I just don’t get it. Wine, to me, is like what happens when some sadistic fuck plays a disastrous practical joke on an otherwise good fruit drink. Shawna and I were discussing this inconsistency just today. These are our findings - grapes taste good, grape juice tastes good, even raisins taste good, so it would go to reason that wine would taste good. But wine tastes like someone drowned their ninety-year-old grandmother in the barrel on stomping day and left her body in the mix to ferment like a withered ole grape. What possesses you to drink this stuff? And don’t tell me that it’s an acquired taste.

And for those of you who missed Ellen’s latest variety show on Saturday, it was good fun. Please, don’t let Rosie’s nightmarish display scare you away from variety shows forever. While the whole thing was rather awesome, I have to say my favorite part was at the end when Portia made a brief cameo. That was a whole lotta hot in three seconds.