There are a lot of stupid and annoying commercials on TV. We could probably have a very long-lasting, spirited debate over which of these commercials gets the trophy for “most irritating commercial on TV”.

Some of my favorite annoying commercials consist of very unattractive people playing sexy. For instance, there is a local furniture commercial that stars this weathered old dude, who looks like he smoked two packs a day for forty years while standing in the middle of a tar factory, and his nasty frau. They are trying to sell mattresses and use the phrase “economic stimulus” in a very disturbing way, which is, you know, vomit-inducing.

Then there are those “leading” commercials. The kind where one person says something to another to make it look like talking about whatever they are trying to sell is completely natural, but it never sounds the least bit natural. Like, the life insurance commercial where the guy says, “What do I have to do today? Get life insurance. That’s easy.” And the woman responds, “Life insurance? Easy?” in an ‘I’m a total dumb ass. Explain it to me slowly” kind of way. And that gives him the opportunity to explain how easy the process of getting life insurance through this company is, which of course is sort of absurd since he hasn’t actually called them yet, but that’s another post.

Right now I am most annoyed by one particular commercial. It’s the Time Warner Cable commercial where the two guys are watching football and the conversation goes a little something like this (yes I’m paraphrasing) -

GUY 1
Thought this was an HD TV.

GUY 2
It is. I mean, it isn’t right now.

GUY 1
You have satellite and they only gave you two HD transmitters.

GUY 2
And my wife and son are watching TV upstairs.

GUY 1
You should get Time Warner. They give you unlimited transmitters and we could be watching HD football right now.

GUY 2
This is old school, the way my grandparents used to watch football. At least, I think it’s football.

And then I cringe and try not to throw something at my television, which I really can’t afford to replace right now. Because here is what this commercial should just come right out and say -

GUY 1
… we could be watching HD football right now. And you know, though I could see the game fine for the past ten years on my non-HD television, and despite the fact that the Superbowl has never once been shown high-def, I absolutely must have it because it’s available.

GUY 2
And obviously we think that the public is too stupid to realize that they were able to watch television just fine before high-def. If we just tell them that they couldn’t see anything on their screen before HD, they’ll believe it.

It’s official. I hate you Time Warner.