A suburb of Columbus, Ohio. Approximately 11 a.m. eastern standard time. On an otherwise typical today. Today.
Two lesbians start to leave their apartment for Saturday errand-running and discover that the door is unlocked.
“The door is unlocked.”
The lesbians look at each other. A moment of silent finger-pointing.
“You totally did this.”
Then, just when it seemed as if the silent blame might turn into a fracas, one lesbian remembered that she had, in fact, checked the lock before getting in bed the night before… as she did every night. So why was the door now unlocked?
To add intrigue to the already mystifying situation, the other lesbian had a dream the prior eve that someone was trying to get into the apartment, and she was standing in front of the door as it rattled on its hinges. That lesbian would, in fact, be me.
One more essential clue. Nothing was missing, which rules out robbery as a possible motive. Agreed? (Though we do have renters’ insurance, so it sure would have been nice if someone would have stolen a few boxes of books. It’s the only way I’m ever going to make the money back on the little fuckers.)
So, as I see it, three possible scenarios could have taken place.
One -
There is a ghost in this apartment. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve experienced this. However, when we’ve had ghosts in the past, they have been way more attention-hungry. If there is a ghost here, they are keeping on the DL. It is possible though.
Two -
An employee of the apartment complex needed to come in for something. They knocked, which we more than likely wouldn’t have heard (due to sleeping with a rain machine), then they came in, found us still in the apartment asleep, and in their haste to get the hell out, neglected to relock the door. Also possible.
Three -
I did it.
You see, I did have the dream that I went to the door last night, and while I don’t have a history of sleepwalking (that I know of), there is quite the habit of it in my family line. I’ve seen my sister do it with her eyes actually open and both of my nephews do it. They even had to put a lock on their front door out of reach of the littlest one to keep him in the house at night. And I do talk in my sleep quite a bit when I get stressed out (to an invisible therapist maybe?), so it’s probable that I also have this oddly disturbing habit.
So, what happened? Anyone? Anyone?
Thoughts?
Flames?
Tomatoes?
June 22nd, 2008 at 1:10 am
i think it was your cubicle neighbor. she’s trying to get to you. the time has come to strike a blow!!!!
also, you are a ninja master. is it possible that another sect of ninjas is testing you somehow?
maybe the other lesbian sleep walks?
MAYBE the other lesbian unlocked the door earlier in the morning, without your knowledge, in an attempt to totally. freak. you. out. and it appears to be working. she’s laughing at you right now. don’t turn around.
June 22nd, 2008 at 8:03 am
Don’t worry of all the strange things to do while sleepwalking yours is quite normal. I once sleepwalked to the fridge opened the door and settled back to sleep standing up with my head in the freezer. I’m a vegetarian so you can imagine the screams when I woke up with my face touching a pile of defrosted raw meat. Also my left cheek had freezer burn for a week!
June 22nd, 2008 at 9:07 am
No way. The other lesbian looked way more freaked out than me. She wasn’t pranking me.
I’m not going to give the cubicle neighbor that much credit. This seems far above her planning abilities.
But as for the ninjas… hmmm.
Heh, Holy Popsicle Sticks, Jessie! That’s hysterical. I mean, probably not for you, at least not at the time, but it’s damn funny to read.
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:50 am
Do you guys have a pet?
I understand some dogs can be very industrious. Like one of those resourceful pups that dials 911 when its owner has fallen and can’t get up. How far of a leap is it really to go from picking up the phone to picking a lock?
I also hear that some cockatiels are quite crafty.