You know those things you spin around on New Year’s that make like a cranking noise? I’ve also seen them on the 4th of July and occasionally at a party where the person clearly had too much money to waste. Anyway, those little bitches are annoying, aren’t they?
They are.
You know what else is annoying? People who feel the need to expel a constant stream of noise for no other reason than to make noise. I’m talking about your people who hum/whistle, sing along off-key to their MP3 players, sigh or grunt when getting up or sitting down, tap their fingers on desks, flick some surface repetitively… just any and everything that they can do to make sounds happen.
WHY?!? Must you really?
It’s probably just me. I know very well that I crave silence more than the average human being, but damn. Really? Must you? Really?
I think it’s a cry for attention, I do, a ‘look at me, look at me’ syndrome. So let me help out. If it’s me that you are sitting or standing around, whistling your heart out for attention, and I don’t give you any, it’s not that I don’t hear you. I am well aware that you are there. I just don’t give a fuck.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
please don’t tell me it’s the cubicle neighbor again! have you tin foiled her entire cubicle yet?? probably not because it seems like a lot of effort, but i swear it’s not. if you get a couple cohorts you can do it in about a half hour. you probably don’t have a lot of cohorts at work, though, do you? seeing as you dislike your job as much as you imply you probably get in and out as quickly as possible without a lot of chit chat.
BUT, if you want to get the cubicle neighbor to quite, it would behoove you to get some cohorts. if you want to go it alone, however, try this one: i’m sure you have an inter-office phone system. unscrew the reciever cap on her phone and put a nickel in it every day. you might want to put a drop of superglu on it to keep it from rattling around and ruining your evil plan. this will make the reciever a little heavier every day. when it’s fairly full one day, take them all out (due to the glu or sticky tack, you may get stuck replacing the entire phone) and watch as she smacks herself in the head with the phone!!!
seth (my husband) did this one in his office. it was awesome!
May 16th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Oh my God, I am not the evil genius. Seth is the evil genius. Tell him I said so.
Of course, with my luck, she’d get seriously injured and I’d get seriously sued.
May 16th, 2008 at 11:50 am
you don’t understand. no one is supposed to know it’s you doing these things. she’ll feel so hazed, she’ll just leave. OHHH!! i just thought of another one. do you guys use Micro Word or any other program on a daily basis? get into it and change her settings so that when she types her name, or something else she’d type a lot, it automatically misspells it every time.
are you introverted at work? maybe people think you are if you don’t have any cohorts. if pepole think you’re introverted, they will never suspect you. it’s always the crazy morons (seth) that do this crap.
May 19th, 2008 at 7:12 am
She won’t leave. She’ll just complain. Seriously she will. She complains about EVERYTHING.
I may not have to do anything. I really think I might just give her a stroke or a heart attack through no real effort of my own. She is so very concerned about what is going on at my desk, and it stresses her out so very much, I expect her to just drop over any day now.
No, we don’t use Word much, just your typical life-wasting insurance software.
Of course I am introverted at work. I don’t want people to, you know, talk to me. Though every time I go into his office lately, my boss wants to discuss politics. I really just want my time sheet signed.