I made it all the way to the car this morning before realizing that I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t work a single hour more in April of 2008. So, I got out of the car and walked right back up the stairs and inside.

This is no lie. On my WMC post, when I said it was all that I had time for, I meant that I was leaving for work. And, at the time, I really thought that I was. Then, I didn’t. Awesome huh?

So I came back to my computer, emailed my staffing agency and told them that I had the croup. (Not really. Too many details will get you every time. Keep everyone on a need to know basis. You can file this as a life lesson.) Then, I did some homework that was due this morning, because it seems that I will forever be taking a class or two for the sole purpose of redistributing debt. After that, I readied my Nicholl Fellowship application and printed out my script for the May 1st postmark deadline. No matter how many people say, “You suck, Riley LaShea! Stop sending us your crap to read,” I’m still convinced that this particular screenplay is the fuckin’ shit. Take that, you bastards. You will not keep me down!

I was able to accomplish all of this and still make it to Dave & Buster’s for their eleven a.m. opening, and you know what happened next? You won’t even believe it. I’m convinced it’s due to my growing muscles, which I can say with some certainty are all thanks to Budokon. I beat the record at basketball and won the big ticket bonus. It’s true. I did. With a score of 64 points. Then, just for good measure, before I left, I beat my own record with a score of 68 points. I felt so badass. We won’t discuss the fact that I got my ass kicked four out of six times at air hockey. Of course, I was playing with my left hand and I’m not left-handed. That’s no excuse. It’s fact.

When we left D&B, we busted the food budget and had a tilapia lunch. Now, tilapia is something we have the ability to cook at home, it’s true, and we may even cook better at home, but every time we make tilapia, we set off the smoke detectors. This has happened in every apartment we’ve lived in. You have to make some smoke to get that nice, delicious scald. The problem is, this new apartment has sprinklers, so in the pursuit of a tasty meal, we could literally destroy everything we own. Somehow it just doesn’t seem worth it.

In order to send my script to the Nicholl peeps, I needed some cardstock, because somehow I don’t have any in the house. This is not only unusual, it’s absurd. So, we go into Staples. Now, I only need two pieces, so we go to the little copy area and ask if they have any. They do. Then the guy says, “Are you going to use it here?” as in “in our copiers,” and I’m like, “No,” and, I kid you not, he says, “Then I can’t help you.” I was too in disbelief to come up with a clever retort. I do wish now, though, that I’d asked if I could print on it in invisible ink. I didn’t say I wanted it for a measly amount of money. I just didn’t want to buy a whole bunch of it. As it was, I left stockless. Then, I went to Hobby Lobby and got four pieces for fifty cents. That’s right, Staples! That’s fifty cents you will never see. Considering the economy, you would think they would be scrapping over every penny. Guess not.

In between these two errands, we made a pit stop at Whole Foods and got to hear a guy trying to explain the benefits of composting to a group of kids who looked maybe six or seven years old. The best part was that he was holding their pizza hostage while he did it. Talk about a captive audience. “You want this piece of pizza? Okay, well I want your solemn vow that, the next time you don’t eat all of your dinner, you will walk the scraps out to the garden and throw it in the pile.”

Classic.

Soundtrack for today’s voyage: Madonna’s Hard Candy

Thoughts on soundtrack: Still love Madonna, no matter what anyone thinks. Still think she’s a legend. Still think her ability to adapt to the music of the moment is totally impressive. Wish I liked more than two songs on the album.