Why is it that when you can’t sleep, people always recommend a warm glass of milk. I even see it in movies and TV shows.

Insomnia?
Yeah. It sucks.
Try some warm milk.
Good idea.

Good idea? No it isn’t. Sure, milk has tryptophan in it, which produces serotonin and helps you conk, but when since infancy has the idea of warm milk brought a smile to your face? If it doesn’t have cocoa and marshmallows in it, it’s just nasty.

Just once, I would like to hear this exchange. (In real life or on film. I’m not picky.)

Insomnia?
Yeah. It sucks.
My mind-blowing orgasms usually knock people out for several hours.
Hold on. Let me get lubed up.

See? Now that would be awesome.