I hate how many mainstream movies use lesbianism as a subplot. It wouldn’t bother me if they weren’t always –

A) Actually straight. They are just doing it to make that GUY jealous, horny, or confused, or to steal golden snakes masquerading as a shirt at the Cannes Film Festival.
B) Actually bisexual. “I’m a lesbian… except when you come around, you big, studly man-beast!”… or when we’ve all just stolen something or successfully plotted together and a threesome scene is in order.
C) Deranged. I enjoyed Notes on a Scandal. With the cast, it was virtually impossible not to. However, I saw it and History Boys within a few weeks of each other, and I am flummoxed by this trend of demonizing homosexuality in film. It’s getting a little disturbing.
D) Completely unable to deal with their own sexuality, and willing to either get married, go into hiding, kill themselves, or any other possible thing they can do to avoid actually being with another woman.

Most lesbian movies really, really suck. It’s pretty sad when I am forced to admit that many studio movies are better than lesbian movies. When you put the two together though, that’s a real freaking tragedy. How you take a short like D.E.B.S. and turn it into the suck-fest that was the feature D.E.B.S. is beyond me. I do know that you start by very poorly recasting roles that were well-cast originally. Clare Kramer to Jordana Brewster? I hadn’t seen such a step down since the 2000 presidential election.

So, that’s it, I’ve had it. I am declaring myself the authority and laying down the fuckin’ law. You, Hollywood, major studios, big production companies, and all of your little friends, you are allowed no more lesbians until you learn how to use them correctly.