So last night we went to see Christina Aguilera. An hour in a dark and silent room and two Relpax later, and I am well enough to tell you all about it. 

First off, I’m just going to say it right now so that all of you haters can be in disagreement from the get-go, I think Christina Aguilera has, quite possibly, the most amazing voice ever. Whether you think she’s a dirty slut or not, it doesn’t change the fact that the woman possesses an incredible instrument and she has mastered it beautifully. 

It is clear that she is trying very hard to be like Madonna, borrowing liberally from last summer’s Confessions tour, but she does it with such panache, it’s easy to forgive her those transgressions. And I appreciate anyone who brings stripper poles into a stage show. 

What can I say, Christina did, in fact, rock my world last night. 

But here’s what I really want to share with you – The Pussycat Dolls. Yes, that’s right, the Pussycat Dolls, Christina’s very special opening act, intended to get you sufficiently greased up for the dirtiness to come. I admit it, I have no choice, they are sexy. They are sexy in a girl you’d meet in a club and fuck up against the brick wall in the alley out back kind of way. At least two of them are, and I’m not naming names. (Nicole and Jessica) Sitting there last night, I was able to verify that my pre-live performance thoughts on the Pussycat Dolls held up. They are smoking hot and it is fun to watch them dance, and their music… well, their music… it sucks so bad I would get up from a coma to change the station. 

Two especially disturbing occurrences marked the Pussycat Dolls performance last night. The first frightening occurrence took place at the beginning of their set when the lead singer, Nicole, yelled something like, “Who wants to have some hot, raw, freaky fun with the Pussycat Dolls tonight?” and the three seven or eight-year-old girls in front of us screamed like banshees. Apparently, they left the house on the prowl for some hot, raw, freaky fun. 

In the second, more traumatic event, Nicole wanted to demonstrate her bond with the Columbus crowd (She went to school in Dayton, Ohio apparently). She did so by trying to start a popular Ohio cheer. She yelled out “Does this mean anything to you? H-O… And after a confused pause, everyone yelled “I-O”. “H-O,” she yelled again. “I-O.” they dutifully responded. “H-O.” “I-O.” “H-O.” “I-O” See, what she meant was O-H. O-H-I-O, that’s how you spell Ohio. She, on the other hand, was spelling ‘Ho’. Together with her adoring flock, they were spelling ‘Hoio’. But I guess with both the Pussycat Dolls and Danity Kane (who I didn’t actually see but I do know that they are basically the Pussycat Dolls with a couple of black girls and a name that sounds like they should be Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter) in town, you could say that last night Hoio was an appropriate name for it. They are in Cleveland tomorrow. I do hope the poor thing heals up that dyslexia thing before then.