Two posts, only the two, and already I am detecting a theme. Nelly Furtado. Why? I’m not like a huge fan, but I find the dramatic events unfolding around her absolutely compelling in a totally negative way. See, just because I am not a huge fan doesn’t mean that I don’t like her. In fact, I found her sound interesting, different, exceptional. Of course, that is past tense, because she used to be like a bird and now she’s nothing but promiscuous. At one time, when you heard a Nelly Furtado song, or Nelly Furtado in the midst of a group sing (think “What’s Goin’ On?), she was instantly recognizable. Now, when Nelly Furtado comes on, I wonder which slut that sounds like every other slut it is I’m hearing. I don’t really care, but I do wonder.
On a similar note, I would also plead that the music industry do a two-fer and sling Shakira’s musical integrity back at her. Hands down, Shakira experienced the year of greatest decline. First, she releases one of the greatest albums I’ve ever heard, Oral Fixation, vol. 2. It is political, pensive, deep, valid, and at the same time just great musically. So, when she went on tour, we were so there. In fact, we bought tickets to three different concerts before Ticketmaster started their newest form of gouging, front row auctions. Then, we accepted the gouging and won the front row tickets for Shakira in Atlanta. Before that show, we went to one in Chicago. We came back and immediately sold our front row tickets to the highest bidder. What should have been a statement packed, charged experience turned into the Hips Don’t Lie dance and love song tour. Wyclef was awesome (his actually was a set of fiery statements, enough so that it caused the Republican in front of us to boo consistently, and of course I always love anything that brings discomfort to Republicans), but Shakira totally sold out to the masses. It’s like she came out swinging, speaking her mind, and then realized that all of her “fans” didn’t really care about anything with any meaning. So, then she was like, “No, wait! I still shake it too. Still love me?” I have zero problem with Shakira shaking it, trust me. However, I don’t know why these people fight from their boxes only to allow themselves to be violently pushed back in at the counsel of executives who have no personal talent, or else they wouldn’t be executives! And now, NOW, she is singing with BEYONCE! Actually, I’m not sure that you ever get your integrity back following that travesty.
What is it about the public’s total obsession with all things that suck? I mean, seriously, the music industry, the film industry, the literary industry (and I use the term literary very very loosely), everything sucks! Suck! Suck! Suck! We are in a time where Kanye is quoted as saying something to the effect of “Gold Digger is one of the biggest songs of our lifetime.” Yeah, right! One of the biggest songs of our lifetime that sucks! I don’t care how good it is to shake your ass to. You hand me enough liquor and I’ll shake my ass to an arthritic jug band. Now, Kanye may have talent. But, just like every other damn person in the industry, he is doing what he knows will sell.
Before he released his latest album, Justin Timberlake went in and told them that he wanted to write an entire album of “Cry Me a River”s. This translates as “I want an entire album of hits. I want to be the biggest thing since Jesus Christ, Supah-Stah.” That’s all that matters anymore, hit after hit. It’s frightening to think that all of the great singer-songwriters of the sixties and seventies never would have stood a chance at all in today’s market. BTW, Justin, when you sing in your high girly voice, you kinda suck too.
Now, while I am a big fan of music, and actually considered the music industry very seriously into my career plans (another term I use loosely) at one time, I can tune out today’s suckage pretty well. I ceased listening to the radio some time ago, because I’m not willing to sit through several restless hours of shit for that one gem. If the gem is out there, someone else usually lets me in on the secret. However, it’s about to go too far. I feel devastation a-comin’.
Andrea Corr: You gracious goddess - beautiful Irish queen - lovely stage-dancing, tin-whistle playing, gloriously gifted wood sprite… how I do love thee. A rumor is floating around these parts that you are being gifted with American “handlers”. I do not know if this rumor is true, but I feel the need to issue a friendly, admiration-filled warning just in case. We do not “handle” well in this country. American handling tends to be overbearing, righteous, and often leaning toward sexual. You are a beautiful woman who will be told to do something about your eyes or chin. You are a tiny little woman who will be told to lose ten pounds. You are a naturally talented singer who will be told to try and sound a little more like ______________. (fill in the blank with sucky hot singer of your choice).
So you see, Goddess, you have been making music for years that sounds unlike any other music out there. You have had film roles in quirky, innovative films that would stand no chance in hell of being made in this country. If you let Americans handle you, not only will you end up with “handprints on [your] body”, you will be in a bikini on the beach with Beyonce and playing the latest Bond girl. Fight the urge. Resist the temptation. Being successful these days has very little to do with talent, and you have too much talent to buy into their version of success.
